


To boldly go...

by Sandmann



Series: Alignment [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Academy Era, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Medical, Medical Procedures, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Starfleet Academy, kind of, medical writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22366516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandmann/pseuds/Sandmann
Summary: You are a Starfleet cadet as well as a resident at Starfleet Medical in San Francisco.You are overworked, tired most of the time and your relationship isn’t going the way you wished it did.One day your path crosses with Dr. McCoy and events are set in motion.This isPart Oneof theAlignment Series.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Reader, Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Reader, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader
Series: Alignment [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610041
Comments: 284
Kudos: 226
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _To boldly go..._ is my very first StarTrek fic, as well as my very first reader - insert story.  
> It is part one of the **Alignment Series**.
> 
> I got inspired to try my hand at my very own version after binge-reading LOADS of brilliantly written Leonard/Reader fics here on AO3.  
> Thank you to all the authors who share their work and by that helped creating my very personal “happy place”. I enjoyed reading your stories tremendously. 
> 
> A massive thank you goes out to my wonderful friend and beta to this story: **SHTWSPNSH**. Thank you for putting up with me and my "baby" when there are so many other projects on our docket.  
> Sometimes a story just needs to get out into the world and has to be told.  
> Thank you for reading, writing, brainstorming and helping out whenever I got stuck or lost.  
> Thank you for listening to me at all hours of the day (and night).  
> Thank you for encouraging me to go all the way and turn my ideas into this story.  
> (As predicted, it was impossible to limit it to a nice little one-shot...of course. 😉)
> 
> And here we are, a few thousand words later... Part 1 of the Alignment series.  
> I hope you'll have as much fun reading as I had fun writing it!  
> Comments are greatly appreciated and are an incredible help to stay on track and keep writing! I’d love for you to share your thoughts and ideas!

You stared at the clock on the wall. 4:30am . Four more hours to go. You were on your third nightshift in a row in the ER of Starfleet Medical.

You had always worked nightshifts during your time at Med School, but back then you had had more time to recover in between.

Now that you were a third-year resident and second-year cadet at Starfleet Academy, your days were packed with work on the wards and classes to attend. Starfleet didn’t pay their residents richly, so you needed the extra money you got from working the ER nightshifts to pay off your student loans.

You tried to schedule your ER nights so they would interfere the least with your curricular activities, but it was not always possible to get the shifts that suited your schedule best.

Working four to six nights a month left you tired during many lectures and hospital duties the days following work.

Two years ago you had decided to leave your well-paid resident placement in Boston after one year in order to move to San Francisco and join Starfleet to be with your boyfriend. Andrew had already been an engineering cadet with Starfleet and you both felt it was time to end the long-distance relationship and start living in the same city.

During your first year at the Academy you had separate dorm rooms, which had still been better than the constant shuttle rides in between San Francisco and Boston.

Starfleet Academy was challenging, but you were happy to be close to your boyfriend. You managed to move together into one of the medical apartments on campus by the end of your first year, and this was when it all started to go wrong.

Andrew had become more and more possessive and jealous. He wanted to know where you were and with whom you spent your time. He could not accept that you had to work so many hours at the hospital and that in between your mandatory shifts at Starfleet Medical, classes on campus and the night shifts at the ER, there was not much time left for him.

You never knew what mood he’d be in once you got home. You were exhausted and could not deal with all the drama he invoked.

One night you sat down with him and tried to address the problem. The moment he realized that you were asking for more room in your relationship, he started shouting. He got up, grabbed you by the arms and started shaking you in his anger.

You were in shock, and so was he. The moment he realized what he had done, he let go of you immediately and started to apologize.

You were scared and didn’t dare to do anything else but accept his apology. Despite your better judgment, you stayed with him.

He never touched you like that again.

However, you started to avoid coming home, taking on extra shifts. You knew you had to end this relationship. You were not happy anymore and hadn’t been for quite a while. He didn’t leave you enough space to breathe. But you simply didn’t have the strength to do it right now.

You continued playing your game of hiding and spent most of your time at the hospital.

Your surgical rotation was about to start the next week, and you had to sign in with one of the senior surgical physicians the next morning, after your nightshift.

You were tired and hoped to be able to catch a few hours of sleep in the on call room before heading to your lectures in the morning, but when you were about to make your way to the room, there was a traffic accident victim announced and you were assigned to take care of him.

Your attending physician did like her sleep and left you in charge, despite you being only in your third year of residency. You yawned and waited for the adrenalin rush to kick in.

After intubating and stabilizing the patient, you had to accompany him to radiology where they ran extensive scans on him. Those led to him being transferred to the neurosurgical department. And of course, even though your shift was over, you had to accompany the transport.

By the time you returned to the ER, got changed into your cadet reds and had reached the board to sign your name to one of the senior surgical physicians, there was only one slot left.

Of course.

Dr. Leonard McCoy.

You sighed as you scribbled your name underneath his.

Nobody wanted to work with the grumpy southern doctor. He had a reputation of being extremely moody and he was very demanding. He gave a scolding to just about anyone around him, be it nurse, patient or resident. He didn’t even hold back in front of Chief Boyd.

Your fellow residents passed you and when they saw your name as the only one underneath McCoy’s, they clapped your shoulder sympathetically.

What had you done to the universe to deserve this?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some medical talk with Dr. McCoy and a first glimpse of your boyfriend....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am happy that you are willing to stick with me on this journey and am curious to hear what you think of this chapter!  
> Here we go....

“And what are the tributaries of the IMV as opposed to the SMV?” He didn’t even look at you while he continued the preparation of the liver under his hands.

“The inferior mesenteric vein and the superior mesenteric vein form the portal vein together with the splenic vein…” you started, but McCoy interrupted you.

“That’s not what I asked. Try again. And for god sakes, will you apply some damned pressure to the tip of that hook you’re holding?”

You rolled your eyes, slightly annoyed because he wouldn’t let you finish your sentence. You tried again to get your point across.

“They both collect the blood from the entire prehepatic splanchnic vascular bed…” He cut you off again, this time looking up and directly at you.

“Could you be any less precise?”

You had been wondering about the color of his eyes during yesterday’s surgery while you tried to stay awake. Were they brown? Or hazel? Slightly green? Even after assisting on a two-hour hemicolectomy you had not come to a final conclusion. All you could say was that they were actually really pretty. But having those eyes nearly pierce through you was truly far from a pleasant experience.

He noticed your slightly reddened eyes and the dark circles underneath them.

_If these kids were man enough to drink and party, they sure should be man enough to work the next morning,_ he thought _. Well. Woman, in this case,_ he corrected his own thoughts.

He shook his head in disappointment. “If I was working as accurately as you are answering, we’d be standing ankle-deep in blood!”

He returned his attention to the situs in front of him.

“I believe I told you yesterday to read up on the anatomical structures we were going to operate on today.”

He had been telling you to read up on them. And you had. Kind of.

Working nightshifts before you were scheduled to perform surgery with Dr. McCoy was something you needed to avoid. You had tried to trade your shifts, but there wasn’t much you could do.

You ended up working yet another night at the ER and in between cases you had tried to stick your head into the anatomy book uploaded on your PADD.

It had been a busy night and you didn’t get to do much reading. Or sleeping, for that matter. But this was nothing you could tell Dr. McCoy.

Instead you broke off the eye contact and looked down at your hands. You were thankful that the facial mask was hiding your blush. 

“That will be all for you today. Get out of my OR and don’t come back again until you are sufficiently prepared.”

Without another word, you stepped back from the table while he proceeded to work, completely ignoring your continued presence. As far as he was concerned, you were already gone.

You fumed inwardly but swallowed your anger and left.

This was going just great. If he kept throwing you out of the OR, you would never be able to learn from any actual surgery during your _surgical_ rotation. You cursed under your breath while you scrubbed out and headed to the board to check what surgeries McCoy was scheduled for the next day and hoped that tonight- your last nightshift in the ER for this month- would finally be a slow one. But you weren’t very optimistic.

***

Since your day in the OR had ended earlier than anticipated, you made it home early. Andrew was not there yet, so you used the time to sit down and read up on the planned whipple procedure tomorrow. You felt exhausted and would have preferred to stay home that night instead of going to work yet again.

You really had to cut down on the amount of your nightshifts. Even if it meant you’d be home more often.

Another benefit of working nights was that you didn’t have to sleep in one bed with Andrew. Not that you didn’t like to cuddle. Or have sex. You just didn’t want to have that with _him_ anymore.

You really had to sit him down to talk. You could not continue like this.

But you didn’t have the energy for this talk. And there still was this discomfort you felt ever since the night you tried to talk to him back then.

By the end of the year, Andrew would graduate. He already had a post on the _Endeavor_ and you mentally rescheduled breaking up with him shortly before he left for space. After that, you’d be out of his reach.

You went to bed to catch at least two hours of sleep before you had to head back to the hospital.

Cold hands sliding underneath your shirt woke you up. Andrew had crawled into bed with you.

You turned around to face him sleepily.  
“Andrew…”

“Hey Babe!” He tried to kiss you but you turned your head in time to avoid his lips.

“Not now, okay? I have to go to work soon.” You tried to squirm out of his hold, but he just held on tighter.

“You work too damned much… we hardly ever see each other anymore.” He complained. “Can you blame me for missing my girl?” He pulled you closer and you could feel his excitement and smell his alcohol stained breath.

You sighed inwardly. In your experience it would probably be quicker to just get it over with.

And so you did.

It was rough, fast and it hurt. But you were free to go shortly after, when Andrew turned to his side and started snoring slightly.

You wiped away the tears that had wet your cheeks unnoticed and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very happy couple...
> 
> If you liked this chapter I would appreciate if you took the time to let me know!  
> Comments make my day brighter and I really would love to hear what you think of the story.
> 
> The chapters _will_ get longer. Promise.
> 
> The next update is already around the corner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A resident's life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the next chapter. It is a bit of a prelude, full of medical procedures, but necessary to set the stage for what is to come!

Dr. Miller had given you her comm yet again before retreating to her room and left you in charge of the ER. This was nothing new and still you were tense when the responsibility was put on your shoulders.

After tending to some cuts and bruises in cabin 1 and 3, ruling out a heart attack in cabin 2 and applying osteo-regenerators to a new patient’s broken leg in cabin 1 later that night, it started to get quiet and you dared to move to the on call room with your PADD, trying to get some more research done for your surgery with Dr. McCoy the next morning, but ended up falling asleep over it.

It was 5:15h when you were summoned back to the ER via Dr. Miller’s comm.

69-year-old male with chest pain and dyspnea.

You entered the shock room just in time to receive the patient with your team. He was pale, sweaty and the alarms of the biobed he got transferred to went off immediately. You frowned when you looked over the vitals, grabbed one of the larger chest scanners and started your reading.

_Shit._

“He has a massive pneumothorax,” you said out loud.

“Get everything ready for a chest tube and call Dr. Miller.”

Treating cuts and bruises was one thing.

When it got more invasive, you knew that Dr. Miller wanted to be there.

The nurses placed all the required equipment on a table next to the patient while you administered some pain meds.

You were still waiting for Dr. Miller when the patient lost consciousness and the alarms of the biobed reached yet another level.

“There is no time to wait for Dr. Miller,” Patrick shouted over the alarms. He was one of the nurses in charge that night. “You’ll have to do it yourself!”

You swallowed hard. The theory was clear, but you had never placed a thoracic drainage by yourself before. You took a deep breath and stepped closer.

“Alright, let’s get this lung some relief…” and you let your hands work on the chest of the patient. They found the medio axillar line, counted the rib spaces until you found the place you were looking for.

You started to get nervous when the vitals of the patient began to drop faster than you could work.

Before you took the scalpel off the table, you turned around to see if Dr. Miller had arrived in the meantime. She hadn’t.

“You called her, right?” you asked. Patrick nodded.

With slightly shaky fingers, you lead the scalpel to the patient’s skin to make a small incision, then placed your fingers into the wound and started to dissect a channel. Once you had opened the pleura, there was a hissing sound and you inserted the drainage. The breathing of the patient started to normalize, as did yours.

A wave of relieve washed over you.

When Dr. Miller finally entered the shock room, blood began to flow out of the tube you just had placed and dripped onto you.

That was not supposed to happen….

“What on earth are you doing, Dr. (Y/LN)??” Dr. Miller yelled at you.

“Why didn’t you call me earlier?”

You stepped back from the biobed, staring at the blood that kept trickling out of the tube.

“We called you right away, Ma’am,” one of the nurses stepped in for you.

“What were you thinking?!” the other doctor kept shouting at you. “Taking on a case like this on your own!”

“Ma’am, I called you the minute it was clear that the patient…” you tried to explain yourself.

“Well, you decided too late to call me. I thought I could trust you to know when to call.” She looked at you. “Seems like I was wrong.”

“Then don’t dump your comm on me,” you retorted heatedly.

She huffed, then pushed you out of the way.

“Let me see if I can fix the mess you’ve made.”

She stepped to the biobed and started to snap orders at the staff.

You took a step closer to the patient, trying to see what Dr. Miller was doing.

“Dr. Y/LN, what do you want?” She kept her eyes on the patient’s chest.

“I would like to see and learn what went wrong,” you stated shyly.

“You should get your anatomical knowledge straight first.”

“But if you don’t show me, I will never learn…”

“You are not even here to learn. You are here to work. And to obey orders. You are excused.”

When you didn’t move, she continued.

“Leave. Now.”

Patrick placed his hand on your shoulder and squeezed it to prevent you from answering back again.

“Don’t let her get to you,” he said quietly as he walked you out of the room.

You nodded, but your ears kept ringing with the injustice of it all.

“This is so unfair! I mean, she dumps her stupid comm on me and is happy enough with me taking on every case that walks in these doors, and all I get as a thank you is her bitching at me.”

“She is just worried about her own ass,” Patrick knew. “She should have been there in the ER herself and not taking her beauty nap.”

“I don’t know what went wrong!” you continued. “I used the access point on the upper side of the rib… “

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He started to slowly guide you towards the changing rooms. “The patient had a massive pneumothorax and you treated him right. And you know that.”

“I know,” you nodded again. “But I must have hit a subcostal vein or something… I don’t know. I thought I was at the right spot, you know?”

“Come on, take a shower and get changed. You have blood all over your scrubs!” Patrick pushed you into the changing room. “I’ll have some tea ready for you in the kitchen when you are all set.”

You placed the bloody scrubs in the drop and looked at your shoes.

_Damn it._

They were blood soaked and there was no way you’d ever be able to clean them again. You threw them in the bin. Luckily you kept a second pair of runners in your locker.

You turned the shower on hot and stepped underneath it. That felt good. You were still angry, but when you closed your eyes and let the water rain on you, you started to feel the anger slowly fading. 

The adrenaline rush died down and you began to feel drowsy. You let yourself be lulled in by the hot water, feeling the skin on your back burn from the heat. The pain helped you stay awake and grounded.

You knew that this was just a job, and in fact Dr. Miller was not there to teach you. At least not during your nightshifts. But you were still so mad at her for treating you the way she had.

You stepped out of the shower and checked the time.

_Shit shit shit shit._

7:03 am. You were supposed to scrub in with Dr. McCoy three minutes ago.

You ran out of the changing room, shouting a “Sorry, I have to run” towards the kitchen and heard a “What about your tea?” while you ran for the door and the turbolift behind it.

You pummeled the 3rd floor button and waited impatiently for the lift to arrive and take you to the OR area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will get to Bones! Promise!! Chapter 4 will be up soon


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones. Finally. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for the road....

You entered the washroom and placed yourself next to Dr. McCoy who had already started to scrub in.

He looked up as you positioned yourself next to him at the sink. You were pale and your eyes as always were reddened by the lack of sleep and the dry air in the ER.

“Finally, you choose to grace us with your presence,” he greeted you with raised eyebrows.

With a shaky hand you reached for the soap but didn’t look at him. You could feel the judgmental once over he gave you nonetheless.

You washed your hands intensely and didn’t answer.

He took in your appearance with a slight frown, wondering why on earth you always looked so wrecked when you appeared in his OR, but chose not to comment on it any further.

He was finished first and by the time you stepped to the table, you found him yelling demeaningly at one of the scrub nurses.

Great. Just what you needed. The doctor in his best mood.

The icing on your cake.

“Alright, let’s get this started, if everyone is ready?” He pointedly looked at the nurse he had been shouting at before, then swiftly opened the abdomen of the patient.

This should have been your job. Underneath all the tiredness and exhaustion, you started to feel the anger rising again.

He didn’t talk for most of the primary preparation and you were glad to work in silence.

“I need a size 7 blade,” McCoy demanded suddenly. “Since when do I use size 5 blades on vessels? Damn it, woman. For how long have we been working together?”

He took the correct blade from the nurse and continued muttering to himself.

“For a change, working with professionals sure would be nice...”

You looked up at him and noticed how his eyes darkened into a definite shade of brown when he was angry. Today at least there was a success to be booked, if only on the eye color question.

The longer the surgery took, the harder it was for you to keep your eyes open. You had been working the past three nights and had not gotten much sleep during the past 96 hours.

It took you a while to realize that Dr. McCoy was looking at you, apparently waiting for an answer to a question you had completely missed.

“I don’t care what you do in your free time, Missy,” he told you. “But you young party people need to remember that work comes first. It is a privilege to be here and learn, and I just don’t get why you are wasting this opportunity.”

“There is not much to be learned here anyway,” you grumbled against your better judgment.

The nurse drew in a sharp breath as McCoy paused in his movement and looked up at you.

“Come again?”

You lowered your eyes. “Nothing.”

“You show me what you bring to the table and _then_ I will teach you in return. If you are not prepared, then this is a waste of my time.”

He turned his attention back to the task in front of him.

“Keep the tension on the hook. How am I supposed to work here if you don’t hold that god damned colon out of my sight?”

You had to take a few deep breaths. Your entire week had been really crappy, your relationship was a disaster and your entire surgical rotation was going to be a complete waste of _your_ precious time.

Who exactly did the man think he was? True, he was a brilliant surgeon. But that didn’t give him the right to treat you like that. No one should treat you like that.

The low boiling anger within you started to rise further as you stared at McCoy who was not looking back at you anymore.

He pointed to a vessel. “What is this?”

You stood on your tiptoes to try and see what he was referring to, but the table was too high for you to have a proper look.

“That’s the, uh... portal vein?” you estimated.

“This is not a quiz show.” He sounded annoyed.

_Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three..._ you started to count silently to calm yourself down before you did anything rash.

“Let’s hear it,” McCoy went on. “What will be my next move in this procedure?”

From where you stood, you could not get a clear view.

“I..uh..” You stood up on your tiptoes again and craned your neck in order to get a better look at what exactly McCoy was doing right now with moderate success. “Uh, you… I guess you would need to find the left gastric artery in order to…” 

“You guess?” he interrupted you, one eyebrow raised, unimpressed.

That was it. Counting wasn’t enough to keep you calm anymore. All your accumulated emotion got the better of you and you shot back at him.

“Yes. I guess.” Your voice was sharp. “Because from where I stand, I am not even able to _see_ what the hell you are doing in there! All I can do is make an estimated guess. And this has nothing to do with me partying through the nights. I can’t even _remember_ the last time I had a fun night out!” You were practically shouting at this point. “Don’t you dare judge people you know _nothing_ about!”

A deadly silence had fallen over the OR. The scrub nurse stopped breathing all together, and the only sound that could be heard was the hissing of the suction.

“If you cared to do a little more teaching, maybe this could turn into an actual learning opportunity for me. You don’t even take the time to listen to what I _am_ bringing to this table. You are not even giving me a chance to prove myself. I am sick of you people blaming me for everything without even listening to me properly.”

You took another deep breath, then added, “And before you throw me out of this OR _again,_ I am not leaving this time. It is my _right_ to be here.”

You were panting and trying to keep your hands steady, holding onto the hooks tightly while standing your ground. 

McCoy let his hands fall and rest in front of him. He looked at you intensely, properly for the first time since you started the surgical rotation with him, but didn’t speak for a while. 

No resident had ever talked back to him like that. When he saw you standing in front of him, trying to hide your shaking hands and slightly panting, he thought that maybe he had indeed not been completely fair towards you.

It wasn’t your fault that Jim and his little projects had stolen the better part of his night as well as his coffee this morning.

He had gotten the order to get ready for another mission and he was not particularly looking forward to boarding the Enterprise again this summer for yet another space-adventure. He hated going into the black.

He had to admit that he was impressed by you as he saw the fire that burned in your (e/c) eyes. There was something to it, something he could not quite put his finger on yet.

Jim had been teasing him during the past few weeks about how none of the residents ever wanted to work with him. Leonard had tried to defend himself, but when he thought about it, he had to admit that Jim was right. They usually never lasted that long.  
You had been an exception to that rule. You had kept returning day after day and had become somewhat of a constant in his OR.

He also liked it when people stood up for what they believed to be right.

It was in this moment that he decided to actually give you a fair chance.

Without looking at the nurse he eventually broke the silence and ordered the staff to get you a step.

“She’s right.” Your eyes widened when you heard him say this.

“Step up and tell me what you see.”

And you did.

The surgery went well and you were able to show that indeed you did know what you were doing.

He let you finish your sentences and was fairly impressed with your knowledge. He had not thought that you had been that well-prepared.

Your growing tension from being stressed out and exhausted wasn’t hidden from him. When he looked at you as you kept talking and pointing out the next steps and potential pitfalls of the surgery, it was with a slight concern in his eyes. You didn’t notice it because you were so focused on the task at hand.

After he had closed the fascia, he handed a needle holder and forceps over to you.

“You want to learn something?” he asked. “Can never hurt to know your basics. Close the patient up with a needle and thread.”

With tired hands you took the tools off him and started closing the patient. This was daily, or more accurately, nightly business for you. The ER didn’t have a lot of dermal regenerators around, and especially on the weekends there were a lot of cuts to be closed.

You worked quickly and efficiently, and it didn’t take you long to close the wound.

“You sure know your way around a needle. I have to say, I am rather impressed.”

You felt a wave of warmth flow through your body when you heard this praise.

“Alright, let’s get out of here and get back to the ward for rounds.”

When you took a step back there was no more solid ground under your foot. While falling to the ground, you remembered that you had been standing on a step the whole time.

_Graceful._

You hit the floor with a loud _thud_ , banged your head against the tiles and the OR around you vanished into darkness.

The next thing you remembered was lying on a biobed, your head throbbing with a dull pain. You reached for the back of your head with a grimace.

“What the…” you mumbled.

“Don’t touch!” A large, warm hand shoved your probing fingers away. “Just lie still now. You took quite a spill in there.”

You frowned and turned your head towards the voice. Brown eyes met yours. Really beautiful brown eyes, you had to say. Yep, definitely brown.

You shook your head and regretted it right away. It was pretty painful.

Dr. McCoy caught your chin and stilled your movements, then took a close look at your eyes. He leaned in close enough that you could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo.

You didn’t dare move again as he hovered over you, afraid to lose the tentative connection you were suddenly sharing with the older man. Your stomach fluttered as you stared back up into his concerned face.

You’d never seen him acting so gentle and kind before. His thumb lightly caressed your cheek as he adjusted the angle of your head for a better view, and it took all your willpower not to lean into the comforting warmth of his palm.

What the hell was wrong with you? Up until a few moments ago, you could barely tolerate being in the grouchy doctor’s presence. Clearly, your head injury had to be worse than you thought.

“Good news,” Dr. McCoy stated in his thick southern drawl as he straightened up a bit, giving you enough space to take in a shaky breath. “Looks like you avoided a concussion. You’re gonna have a nasty lump for a while though.”

A particularly painful throb echoed through your skull as you accidentally shifted onto said lump which forced you to squeeze your eyes shut, effectively breaking the spell between you. 

When you were able to open your eyes again, you were disappointed to find that he had sat back in his chair, and a deep frown was pulling at his lips.

“You wanna tell me what happened in there?”

You let out a heavy sigh. “I just lost my footing.That’s all.”

“Bullshit. You forgot you were on a damned step. And where were your survival instincts? They’re supposed to kick in and help catch you when you lose your footing.”

“There was nothing to grab onto,” you grumbled defensively.

“Certainly not by the time your reflexes kicked in. When was the last time you slept?”

“Uh...”

To be fair, you didn’t even know how long you had been unconscious. Long enough for you to be moved from the floor to a biobed, at the very least.

“Not really sure,” you admitted sheepishly.

McCoy leaned forward again, but this time, he kept his hands folded in his lap.

“Listen, kiddo. You think Medical school was hard? It’s supposed to be. People’s lives are at stake. And you made it through to graduation which says a lot about you. But let me tell ya, the real world ain’t any easier.

“But you've got the most promise out of all the current residents I’ve had the misfortune to work with, and I think you might just have what it takes to go all the way.”

Your mouth fell slightly open when hearing these words.

“Now I don't like being proven wrong,” McCoy continued, “so you better work your ass off and know your shit inside and out, cause rest assured, I ain't gonna be takin' it easy on you from here on out.” 

“Is that a promise?” You couldn’t help but smirk.

McCoy rolled his eyes at you but despite himself, a small smile grew across his face.

“No. It’s a damned threat. And one you best be takin’ seriously.”

With a look on the readings of the biobed you were laying on he added, “But at the rate your pushin’ yourself, you’re gonna spend more time at this hospital as a patient than a doctor. You need to take better care of yourself, startin’ with gettin' some real food in ya. Your blood sugar level is pretty low.”

_Damn biobed._

“I will. And Dr. McCoy?”

He hesitated for a moment. If he was going to give you a chance, he might as well do it properly.

“Call me Leonard.”

“Uh, ok. Leonard…” It felt oddly right to call him by his first name.

And yet, the name sounded strange to your ears. _Len_ was much more appealing.

“I, uhm... Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re welcome. I expect to see you on time for your next shift, and a bit more cognizant as well. In case you missed it, I’m givin’ you another chance to impress me, kid.”

“You won’t regret it.”

He chuckled softly at your statement.

“I better not!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always... let me know what you think! 
> 
> Next update will be here soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some insights as the time goes by and we meet Jim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with the next chapter. Also the chapter count has moved up... things happened and had to be added...
> 
> A massive **thank you** yet again to SHTWSPNSH for her beta-magic! 
> 
> Also thank you all for taking the time to read and comment and share your thoughts. This always makes my day!!

You managed to change most of your ER shifts to nights that didn’t precede your surgical days. When Andrew didn’t keep you up at night, you managed to get a decent amount of sleep in before you headed to “Len’s” OR, as you had recently dubbed it, though you’d never say it to his face.

You would not admit this to any of your fellow cadets or residents, but you had started to enjoy working with Leonard McCoy.

Yes, he was grumpy, but he also could be funny and witty, and he truly had very skilled hands. You came in prepared and he was willing to teach and let you take the lead every once in a while.

But there was something more to it that you tried to deny. The affection that you felt for the doctor had turned into actual feelings for him. The more time you spent with Len, the more you felt drawn to him.

Your heart sped up whenever you were close and you caught yourself making him the center of your daydreams. You were falling for him, and you didn’t know how to stop.

Your relationship with Andrew was already over. You had known it for quite some time, and the way you felt around Leonard McCoy was only further proof.

The status of ‘being together’ was simply dragged along because you were unable and afraid to officially label your relationship as _over_.

Andrew was occupied with studying for his finals and wasn’t around, much to your relief. He would be leaving Earth after his graduation.

While you had hoped that your relationship would simply fade out while he was in space, the emotions, sparked by Len’s presence in your life, pushed you to act.

You knew that you had to talk to Andrew and do this properly before allowing yourself to explore any of those new feelings, but the right moment never presented itself.

Was there even a right moment for it though? You had been together for more than 4 years, and the love and mutual respect that once had been the foundation of your relationship were long gone and had been replaced by the daily grind of habitual, mechanical interactions and the inability to let go.

You had to free yourself from this burden, find your balance in life again and take it from there.

You sighed and tried to push everything but the professional aspect of spending time with Len aside. Working with him in the OR had taught you an enormous amount and your surgical skills had improved more than you thought possible. 

When halfway through your rotation you had the opportunity to change your senior surgical physician, you had no intention of altering this winning system and you placed your name deliberately underneath Dr. McCoy’s, again.

Strictly for educational reasons, of course.

“You _do_ see that Dr. Miller and Chief Boyd still have vacancies, right?” Nora, one of your fellow residents, asked when she watched you place your name on the board in disbelief.

“See it as me doing you a favor!” you half smiled back at her.

You were acting purely altruistic.

 _Purely_.

***

When McCoy returned to his apartment after another successful shift with his favorite star pupil, Jim caught him humming as he was preparing dinner in the kitchen.

Actually _humming._

Jim leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and a knowing smirk on his face.

As Len reached for the next potato to peel, he glanced up and raised an eyebrow at the cocky kid.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing... Just wondering who she is.”

Now Len was really lost.

“She who?”

“The lucky lady who put that extra spring in your step.”

McCoy rolled his eyes and scoffed at his friend. “Don’t be an idiot.”

“I’m not blind, Bones. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy. Hell, you’re practically a giddy schoolgirl these days.”

“Somethin’ wrong with me bein’ happy for a change?” Len challenged.

“Not at all. It’s a good look on you. I just want to know her name so I can thank her.”

“For what?”

“You haven’t threatened me with a hypo _once_ over the past few weeks.”

“Maybe that’s just cause you haven’t done anything stupid enough to warrant one,” McCoy jousted back.

Jim winced playfully.

“I think we both know that’s not very likely...”

Len snorted. 

“Got that right. But none of it even matters. ‘s not like anything will ever come of it.”

“Why not?”

“For one thing, she’s a subordinate, and fraternizing at the workplace isn’t allowed. And for another, we’ll be heading back out into the black soon for who knows how long. Last thing I wanna do is jump back into the game with a long-distance relationship.”

The reality of his words hit Len hard and he fell into a sullen silence, his previously good mood all but destroyed.

He jumped in surprise when Kirk clapped him on the back encouragingly. He never even saw the damned kid move.

“You can’t give up that easily, man. Where’s your sense of adventure? If she’s really worth fighting for, and it seems like she is, then that other stuff is nothing more than obstacles meant to be overcome.”

McCoy shook his head glumly. “I’m pretty sure she’s got a boyfriend already, Jim.”

“Bet he doesn’t have your southern charm though.”

Jim winked at him, and Len couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics, lightening the mood again.

“Make yourself useful and start cutting up those carrots, you infant. I’m starving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this part of the story! I know, rather short again. The next one will be longer though!  
> As always - I'd love to hear from you.  
> :)
> 
> I will be updating again this weekend, if you liked the story so far, stay with me!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Andrew again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with the next chapter.  
> Thank you all for sticking around until now!  
>  **Please** see the notes at the end of this chapter for additional warnings.

When the summer break came closer, Andrew received notice that he was going to be stationed on the _Endeavor._

You were bound to leave Earth too for the first time ever after the summer break. You were waiting to find out where you were going to be stationed for the first leg of your third-year internship. This was the part about being a Starfleet cadet that you dreaded the most; Having to go into space.

From your first day at the Academy on, you had known that this was coming but you had efficiently repressed any thoughts of the mandatory sojourn into space.

Your internship and Andrew’s post-graduation assignment would more or less fall into the same time frame. You had made plans to try and arrange being placed on the same starship and this had made the thought of being out in space somewhat tolerable.

But your relationship had changed drastically since then, and now the thought of potentially being trapped on a starship _with_ Andrew was not a very invigorating prospect anymore.

However, there was no way around it. You would have to go to space for this internship, during which you were supposed to work in all the different divisions a starship had to offer.

As a medical cadet, you’d be assigned to medical for a longer period, but also would have to work your way through engineering, communications, security, navigations, and the science division as well.

When you arrived home one day after work, Andrew was already there, waiting for you, beer bottle in hand. Great. Just what you needed tonight.

“Hey, babe!” he greeted you before taking another few swigs of his beer, looking at you expectantly. “So? How’d it go?”

“How’d _what_ go?” you asked, slightly annoyed as you put your bag away.

“The submission process regarding your placement for the internship. Didn’t you hand in the form to Starfleet Command?”

“Oh, umm… Yeah. Of course I did,” you lied as you opened the fridge to look for some food.

You were starving. It had been a long day filled with lectures, and Leonard had asked you to prepare a case for him in the late afternoon. You were tired and hungry and had to leave for your night shift in a little while.

Three more nights for this semester. Three more nights before your summer break. Before you had to pack your bags and head out into the black.

“I left the damned form on the desk for you,” Andrew muttered aggressively. “You were supposed to ask to be stationed on the _Endeavor_ with me for personal reasons.”

“I remember,” you replied as you grabbed some leftovers and heated them up, then sat down at the table and started to eat. I filled it out and handed it in right away.”

He had left that form on your desk days ago, but you were not going to increase the chances of the two of you being stationed on the same vessel and had no intentions of handing it in to Command.

You froze as he slapped the blank form down onto the table next to you. “Then what the hell is this?”

_Busted._

You swallowed hard before giving him your full attention.

“I filled it out and submitted it on my PADD. It was the fastest way to get it in front of Command for consideration.”

He stared into your eyes as if searching out the lie, but you refused to blink.

Apparently, he was drunk enough to fall for it because a crooked smirk crossed his face as he stood back up to his full height.

“Good thinking, babe. You should still submit a hardcopy too though. PADDs end up with glitches all the time. I don’t want to take the risk of them assigning us to different ships. The thought of being away from you for so long... I can’t let that happen.”

You groaned inwardly. That was a risk you could not be any more willing to take.

It was time to break up with Andrew, regardless of what starship you ended up on.

“I mean, wouldn’ it be fantas’ic, Y/N?” Andrew continued, his speech starting to slur a bit now as he added his empty beer bottle to a stack of them he had been piling up by the kitchen sink ever since his last exam a few days ago. “The two of us? Together in space?”

“Yeah, sure…” you replied unenthusiastically as you watched him pop the top off another bottle that he retrieved from the fridge. In truth, you hated the idea of being in space almost as much as you did of staying with Andrew.

“Great. Fill that request out again then and hand it in tomorrow, ‘kay?”

You swallowed hard. This was your chance. It was now or never.

“Look, Andrew... I’m not sure this is such a good idea anymore. Things between us haven’t really been going that well in the past few months,” you tried.

“And whose fault is that?” he snapped, his sudden anger taking you aback.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me! You’re the one who’s never ‘round. You spend all your time at the damned clinic now! ‘s like you love your stupid job more ‘n me!”

“That’s not true... You know I need the money from the night shifts to pay off my loans. Starfleet doesn’t pay their residents enough to get by.”

“You’re never home no more.” He staggered a bit towards the table but managed to land in a seat next to you, his eyes roving over you with disdain. “God knows who you’re spendin’ your time with...”

_Not this again._

“Will you just stop? We have been through this so many times, Andrew. I am NOT seeing anyone else. I work, I study and I have my resident duties to attend to. That doesn’t leave me with a lot of free time. And stop shouting at me!”

“You can tell me anything, you know. Just tell me who he is.”

“Andrew, I really think you should calm down.”

You already regretted having brought this up with him when you saw him clench his fists.

“We need to talk. But… not now.” You softened your voice placatingly. “I have to get to work in a bit and I really need to catch an hour or two of sleep before I head out.”

“Sure you do.” He looked at you angrily. “That’s all you ever do when you’re at home. Sleep.”

He hit the table with his fist and made you jump in surprise.

“Look, Andrew, let’s talk later,” you tried to appease him.

“We are talking _now,_ ” he said offensively while getting up and stepping around the table, closer towards you. “It damn well sounds as if you want to break up with me!”

“No,” you were quick to answer, your self-preservation instinct kicking in when you saw the flicker in Andrew’s eyes. You had to go about this a different way. “No, I am not. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

It took him a moment to process your unexpected capitulation, but when he did, he reached out for your wrists and jerked you painfully off your chair with more force than necessary.

He knew you were afraid of him, and he was enjoying every second of your sudden submission.

“I think you should make it up to me then, don‘t you?”

He yanked you closer, planting his lips on yours in a wet and utterly unpleasant kiss before forcing you down, one hand still latched around your left wrist while the other dug into your right shoulder, applying ample pressure until your knees hit the hard floor.

“Andrew, please... Let me go,” you begged softly as you tried to break free of his grip, but he only held on tighter.

Your wrist throbbed and your stomach clenched when Andrew released your shoulder in favor of reaching for his belt. You trembled as he clumsily undid his jeans one-handed.

“Shut up! I’m giving you a chance to show me how sorry you really are, so you should damn well be thanking me for this! Come here!”

You swallowed hard against the bile rising up your throat when his hand reached for the back of your head, clenched around a fistful of your hair and pulled you towards his exposed groin.

For a fraction of a second you considered pushing him away and making a run for the door. But you were not sure if you could make it and were too scared to aggravate him even more, so you surrendered.

You closed your eyes as he forced himself into your mouth, already half hard.

He started thrusting roughly, swelling more with each movement, making it hard for you to breathe. You gagged and your hands instinctively pressed against his thighs, trying to gain some much-needed distance.

You managed to jerk backward just enough to gasp in some air, but the brief respite did not last long.

He stumbled forward a step and bottomed out, his painfully tight hold on your hair preventing you from escaping a second time.

“So close...” he breathed out with a pleasured moan. “’m almost there, babe... Keep goin’...”

You heart started to beat wildly, and everything became an indistinct blur of choking and an ever-growing lack of air, until finally he dropped over the edge with a grunt and his release filled your mouth, making you gag again as he forced you to swallow.

Satisfied, he eased his jeans back up and fastened them in place, then he bent down and placed a kiss on the top of your head, ignoring the fact that you were still shaking from the shock of it all.

“I forgive you,” he whispered, cupping your cheek and using his thumb to brush away the tear tracks you didn’t even realize you had shed.

You flinched away from him, but he didn’t seem to mind. For a moment, he just stared down at you, his thumb eventually gliding its way across your swollen bottom lip, leaving behind a salty residue, but you didn’t dare to object.

Due to the lust that still lingered in his heated gaze, you were terrified he was going to demand more penance before letting you be, but then his comm went off in his back pocket, and it shook him out of his trance.

He retrieved his comm and checked the screen.

“It’s the guys. They finished their last exam today and wanna grab some drinks downtown. Sorry, babe, but I gotta go.” He staggered towards the sideboard and grabbed his keys. “Don’t wait up. We’ll talk about this more on Saturday when you get home from work.”

With that, he stepped through the door and stumbled out into the warm summer evening.

Finally alone, you slumped down onto your heels, sobs emerging from your battered throat.

How could you have let it come to this? When exactly had your relationship taken such a turn for the worse? Why had you not ended things with Andrew weeks ago?

You buried your face in your hands and let your tears continue to fall. No one was here to witness them anyway.

You had no idea how much time had passed as you sat there, shaking in misery, but your legs were starting to go numb beneath you and you knew you had to get up off the floor.

You sniffed and wiped your nose with the back of your left hand, then froze as something caught your attention. Your wrist was already showing signs of deep bruising.

You rolled your eyes at yourself.

 _Great._ That was just _freaking_ great.

You knew you probably should pack your bag and leave right now. Physically get out of this relationship. But you could not bring yourself to do it. You had to do it right.

You promised yourself that you were going to talk to Andrew on Saturday, and you were going to put an end to all of this. Properly.

You swore to yourself that you would not chicken out like you had just done.

Come Saturday morning, Andrew would be sober, and you could actually talk.

You’d make a nice clean cut, and then head back home for your summer break. And then out into the black. Hopefully _not_ together with him.

On your return you’d get assigned to a different dorm room and you finally could put the “Andrew” chapter behind you.

You could do this. You owed that to yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional warnings**   
>  _In this chapter non consensual sexual activities are described. If you don't want to read that, you should skip the chapter._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eventually more Leonard. And some Jim.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could not leave it like that....  
> So here we go, the next chapter.

You spent the rest of the evening wide awake, curled up on your bed with your back to the wall so you could keep an eye on the bedroom door. Andrew could arrive at any moment, more drunk than he had been when he left.

But you didn’t really have any other place to go.

So while you were clearly in desperate need of some sleep, you refused to let your guard down. Even if you knew for sure that he wasn’t coming back that night, you still wouldn’t have been able to sleep because you couldn’t stop yourself from shaking.

The doctor part of you was able to diagnose your symptoms as shock, but in your current state, any potential remedies escaped you. All you could do was lay there and watch the minutes tick by on the digital clock on your nightstand.

By the time the shaking finally eased and your aching body was begging to give in to the darkness, your alarm started going off.

With a heavy sigh, you forced yourself to get up and shuffled your way into the bathroom. The sight that greeted you in the mirror was morbid.

Your hair was sticking up in clumps where Andrew had grabbed hold, your eyes were bloodshot and swollen from the crying and lack of sleep, and the collar of the loose-fitted t-shirt you wore to bed had fallen off of your right shoulder, exposing a neat line of bruises from where Andrew had forced you to your knees.

You leaned a bit closer to inspect the damage, but your eyes were instantly drawn to the small split on your bottom lip. You didn’t even remember that happening, but it was clearly still puffy and speckled with dried blood.

But that wasn’t the only bodily fluid that adorned your lips and chin.

Your stomach clench instantly and sent you dashing for the toilet.

On the plus side, you felt moderately human again once you purged yourself of his fluids.

You rose back up onto your feet, brushed your teeth, then stepped into the shower, turning the temperature up as high as it could go, washing away any remaining traces of the earlier evening’s encounter, as well as the remaining tension from your muscles.

Afterwards, you fixed your hair, then chose a long-sleeved shirt to wear under your scrubs in order to hide the dark bruises on your left wrist. One more check in the mirror, and you sighed in relief as a tired but respectable doctor stared back at you.

You could do this.

When you arrived at the hospital for your nightshift twenty minutes later, you were thankful that the ER was rather crowded for a Wednesday night and dove into work straight away, not allowing your thoughts to wander off.

By 5:45am, things were finally starting to calm down. After applying the last stiches on a nasty cut in cabin 2, you were able to retreat to the on-call room. On your way there you grabbed a dermal regenerator.

In less than two hours you were scheduled to scrub in with Len and you had no intentions of letting him see the bruises on your wrist.

Since the fingerprints on your right shoulder were well-hidden underneath your clothes, they didn’t need immediate attention. And the split lip could be explained away by simple dehydration.

But the wrist... There was no hiding the fact that they were a product of abuse.

 _Abuse._ You shook your head at the word.

You sat down on the bed in the small, windowless on-call room and applied the regenerator.

As you closed your weary eyes while you waited for the machine to work its magic, the memories from the night before returned in vivid detail and you could feel your throat constrict. Tears welled up behind your closed eyelids and you felt your chest tightening.

Consciously you took a deep breath and opened your eyes.

 _No._ You told yourself. You had no right to feel like a victim in all this.

Nothing had happened earlier that night that had not happened before. You had given your boyfriend many blowjobs over the years, regardless of whether or not you were in the mood for it.

Relationships were about commitment and sacrifice after all, right? Whatever it takes to keep him happy.

Andrew had just been drunk and you had provoked him, so he had been a bit rougher than usual. It was no big deal.

You took another deep breath.

_No big deal._

You laughed out loud humorlessly at those words. Of course you knew that what Andrew had done to you was hardly ‘ _no big deal’._

But admitting to that would mean acknowledging that you had _allowed_ it to happen. That you had not been able to put a stop to it.

And this truth was even worse to accept.

After all, what self-respecting woman permitted a man to do something so degrading to her without putting up a fight? Some part of you must have been okay with it, or you would’ve made him stop.

So in that regard, what happened couldn’t be classified as rape, right? It was nothing more than a sexual favor between two lovers...

 _Crap_. You couldn’t even convince yourself of that. You and Andrew hadn’t been ‘lovers’ in a very long time.

But technically you were still in a relationship together, so it wasn’t like some stranger attacked you in a back alley somewhere. Andrew loved you. At least, he seemed to. Most of the time.

The constant jumbled thoughts were making your head spin. It was time to focus on something else.

Right on cue, the unit over your wrist beeped, signaling the end of the round, and you extracted your arm to take a closer look, then muttered a curse.

Apparently, the bruising was much deeper than you had initially assumed.

While the pain had been greatly diminished by the regen, the bruises were still a livid purple-blueish color.

You wished you had more time to apply another round, but you were already running a bit behind schedule. You’d have to hustle down the halls just to avoid being late. A second round would have to wait.

Till then, you just had to be careful not to get caught with your sleeves rolled up.

You hurried to scrub in before Len made it to the OR, but when you arrived at the washroom, he was already standing at the sink, greeting you rather cheerfully.

“Good mornin’, sunshine!” he beamed in his soothing, southern drawl.

Trying to conceal your surprise, you forced a smile onto your face. “Good morning,” you returned, though with less enthusiasm than you had intended.

His eyebrow rose as he gave you an assessing glance, and for one heart-stopping moment, you were convinced he was going to see right through you and know exactly what had happened with Andrew.

Logic was not your friend today.

But thankfully, even though McCoy was a brilliant doctor and surgeon, he was not a clairvoyant. He jerked his head to the sink next to him.

“Planning on scrubbin’ in, or am I working alone today?” he teased, still maintaining his lighthearted persona.

You shook yourself out of your stupor.

“Right! I’ll just... wash up then.”

Trying to act as normal as possible to avoid suspicion, you rolled up your sleeves and quickly coated your hands and forearms in suds.

Apparently, you weren’t fast enough though.

“What happened there?” Len asked, frowning as he jutted his chin towards your bruised wrist.

“Nothing,” you answered back, a little too quickly. “Fight with a car door,” you added, trying to throw him off the track. “I lost.”

“Car door, huh?” he repeated skeptically as he continued to scrub in. “Door’s got one hell of a grip...”

He knew full well where that kind of bruising stemmed from, but he was not going to push you. For now.

“Yep,” you reaffirmed. “Caught it at just the right angle. Clumsy, I know. Should’ve been more careful.”

You didn’t give him the opportunity to say anything else as you stepped back, dried your hands and reached for the disinfectant, eyes downcast and oblivious to the deepening frown on his face.

“I’d be happy to take a look at it for ya if you’d like,” he offered, a hint of protectiveness in his voice. “The wrist, or the car door.”

If there was a hidden meaning in that last part, you were too tired to process it.

You smiled at him again, this time more genuinely. “Thanks, but it’s nothing, really. Save your talents for the real patients.”

Len didn’t bring up your wrist again for the rest of the day. You weren’t sure if he bought your lie, but if he didn’t, he was keeping his thoughts to himself.

***

When Jim entered the small apartment, he found Bones sitting on the couch in the living room area, a tumbler filled with amber liquid in hand. He was lost in thought and didn’t seem to have noticed the arrival of his friend.

Jim let himself fall onto the couch next to Leonard.

“Tough day?”

“Mhm.” Len kept staring ahead for another moment before he turned his head to look at Jim. “Found myself in a bit of a conundrum.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Actually, there is,” Leonard began. “I have this resident at work…”

“Oh – _that_ resident!” Jim smiled knowingly, his brows dancing suggestively.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Yes. _That_ resident.”

“What about her?”

Leonard took a sip of his drink, then continued talking.

“I think someone’s been hurtin’ her.”

At that, Jim’s eyes narrowed, all traces of humor gone. “How so?”

“She showed up in the OR today with a bruised wrist. She claimed she caught it in a car door, but Jim... I could clearly see the shape of each goddamned finger that bastard laid on her, outlined in purple and blue. It was no accident.”

Jim sat up a little straighter. “Has this happened before?”

“Not that I’ve ever seen. That doesn’t account for much though. She was tryin’ pretty hard to hide it.”

Jim shifted uncomfortably. The topic of abuse was a sensitive subject for him, ever since he was a young kid. “What did you do?”

Leonard sighed.

“Not enough. I asked her what happened, she lied, and I let it go. You know as well as I do that victims of abuse don’t tend to chat openly about it, but I should’ve pressed for more information. Should’ve let her know she didn’t have to hide it from me, and made sure she’s safe.”

“So what's stopping you?” Jim pressed gently. “I remember when you got my unredacted childhood medical records, you were like a dog with a bone until I finally caved and spilled my guts.”

Len took another sip of his drink. He remembered that night very clearly as well.

“That was different though. I know where I stand with you, and as your personal doctor, it was perfectly within my rights to check in and demand some answers. But she _works for me_ , Jim. I don’t want to push too hard or do anything inappropriate that’ll scare her off.”

Jim nodded in understanding.

“It’s a complicated situation for sure. But Bones, the worst thing you could do is turn a blind eye and let it continue. She needs to know that someone cares. That she matters, and that there’s a way out. Hell, if Pike hadn’t have...”

Jim trailed off, swallowing down the rest of his sentence.

Bones reached over and gave his knee a gentle squeeze in support.

“You’re right, kid. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Don’t take the lies personally, Bones. Sometimes, they’re all we have to get us through the day. And sometimes, we even start to believe them ourselves. Don’t let her hide behind denial, cause he’ll find her there. And if this guy is anything like Frank, he won’t stop until someone makes him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken a way darker turn than originally anticipated. I hope you are still enjoy it though.  
> I would love to hear what you think about the story so far!
> 
> I will be updating again soon, if you liked what you read - stay around for more!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more night shift until you are going to talk to Andrew. Properly.  
> But before that you are having your last day working with Leonard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me again!  
> One more update.  
> I hope you like it. 
> 
> **Thank you** , again, to SHTWSPNSH for her never dwindling support in this endeavor.

On Friday, your last day, there was a minor surgery scheduled that Len let you take the lead on, with his guidance and assistance. You had managed to rest for a few hours during the preceding night shift and were able to concentrate on the task at hand, thankful for the challenge and the distraction that came along with it.

When you were done, he smiled at you, pleased.

“Couldn’t have handled it better myself. What do you say? Lunch to mark the occasion?”

You returned his smile.

“Depends. Are we talking actual food, or the crap the cafeteria sells?”

You were not feeling hungry, but the prospect of spending a little more time with Len was making your stomach flutter in a way you had almost forgotten was possible.

Len threw his sterile gown into the bin. “You got somethin’ in mind?”

You nodded. “There is this diner just around the corner. They have pretty decent food there.”

“Doesn’t take much to top the hospital chow,” Len stated. “I’m in.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you again when he saw you reach for your sweater.

“You do know that it’s Summer out there, right?” Len asked as you quickly pulled it over your head and scrubs, making sure your wrist was sufficiently covered.

You didn’t want the bruises to become the main subject of your last conversation with Len.

“They have air conditioning,” you simply stated with a shrug and kept walking, leading the way out into the fresh air.

Len nodded sadly at the lie, keeping Jim’s words of wisdom in mind.

When you arrived at the diner, it was already way past lunch time and there weren’t many customers. And to add insult to injury, their air conditioning wasn’t working.

Nevertheless, you tried to act as if you weren’t completely over-dressed or sweating profusely beneath the sweater.

Everything was going relatively smoothly until you reached for a bread roll and your sleeve rose just enough to reveal the thin bracelet of bruises around your wrist.

Len caught your hand gently and you looked up at him in surprise.

“Look, Y/N... I know it’s none of my business,” his voice was soft and soothing. “You don’t have to tell me who did that to you or why, but I know those marks weren’t made by a car door. If you need someone to talk to, or a safe place to stay... I have connections. Strictly off the books.”

You had half expected him to offer you to stay at his place and felt a slight pinch of disappointment when he didn’t.

“I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is, you're not alone, Y/N. I care about you, and I just want you to be safe.”

At those words you had to bite the inside of your cheeks a little harder to prevent tears welling in your eyes.

You wanted to tell him about Andrew. About all of it.

But you needed to deal with it yourself. You could not drag Len into this mess.

“Thank you, Leonard, but I’m all good. I’ll be heading home on Monday for the Summer break,” you tried to smile reassuringly. “No need to worry about me.”

He nodded slowly and was about to say something else but was cut off when the waitress placed your order on the table.

You both began to eat in silence, feeling the awkward strain stretching between you, until Len graciously chose a different topic to continue your conversation and broke the silence.

“I have to say, I am really proud of how much you’ve learned over the course of the past weeks, Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but tease him a little to lighten the mood.

“I guess I was lucky you decided to stop being a hard-ass and eventually do some teaching...”

He kicked your shin playfully under the table.

“Hey!” you complained, but you couldn’t manage to keep a grin off your face.

“Hey yourself. Don’t go gettin' cheeky with me on your last day, kiddo.”

The words were intended to be threats, but there was no disguising the fondness in his tone. The two of you had come a long way since your first day in Len’s OR.

It suddenly hit you out of the blue how much you were going to miss this man while you were gone. Len swallowed his first bite with such a sensuous moan of pleasure that it snapped you out of your sentimentality.

He glanced up at your slightly flushed face and cleared his throat.

“Pardon me, but I’ve been starvin’ for hours and this very well could be the best fried chicken I’ve ever tasted. Don’t ever tell my momma that though.”

You huffed out a laugh, marveling at the good doctor’s softer side. How had you not seen it from the beginning?

“Your secret is safe with me,” you promised.

“Much obliged. So, what are your plans for your fourth year of residency? Lookin’ to get more into surgery?”

You would have loved to continue on the surgical track, if that meant you would be able to continue working with Len. He was a highly skilled surgeon and there’d be so much more to learn from him.

Also, you really did like his eyes. And the way his face lit up whenever he smiled and showed the wrinkles around his eyes. His calm, steady voice as he talked you through difficult procedures. His hands on yours as he guided them during surgery...

You shook your head slightly to get out of your little daydream before it got you into trouble.

Naturally, Len took that as your response.

“Huh. That’s too bad. I think you’d make a rather decent surgeon.”

“Oh, no. I mean, yes...” you tried to correct your mistake. “Yes, I want to continue on the surgical track. That is, if I survive this stupid internship.”

“What kind of internship?” He looked at you, eyebrows lifted questioningly. “Residents don’t typically do internships, do they?”

“Not typically, no. It’s more to do with me being a cadet. They changed the curriculum a while back and now after finishing the second year, we are obligated to take part in a year’s internship in space,” you explained. “If you ask me, they are simply short on personnel and this is a cheap way for them to stock up.”

You poked listlessly at the food on your plate.

“I hate space.”

Leonard chuckled. “I hate to break it to you,” he recited words he had heard himself from a very good friend a few years back. “But Starfleet operates in space.”

“I know.” You continued to shove your food from one side of the plate to the other. “Doesn’t mean I have to _like_ being in space.”

“You’d be surprised what you can get used to,” Len replied, all traces of humor gone. You had a feeling he wasn’t just talking about space anymore.

Without thinking, Len reached across the table and squeezed your left hand softly. You fought your first reflex and didn’t pull away.

Instead, you allowed the contact and let the comforting touch on your skin calm you. A wave of warmth flooded your body, originating from Len’s hand.

You looked up from your plate and met his eyes. He was looking at you with concern, his tone insistent.

“If you wanna talk about it, or anything really... Ya know where to find me, right?”

You allowed your thumb to caress the side of his for a moment, then pulled away, tugging your sleeve down further to ensure the marks were properly covered.

“I’ll be alright, but thank you for the offer.”

Once Andrew was officially out of the equation, you could reevaluate your feelings for Len and let him in. But not before then.

Len could hardly accept the injustice you clearly were being exposed to, but what really scared him was how much his heart hurt when he saw you like that; Fragile, antsy, fiddling with the cuffs of your sweater, avoiding his gaze and withdrawing the way you did.

He had not been ready to allow this, but here you were, on his mind, in his thoughts, closer to his heart than he wanted anyone ever to be again. Certainly not this soon after Jocelyn.

And he had no idea how it had happened. Or how to deal with it. Especially now that he was about to go off planet for God knew how long.

“How about you take the rest of the day off, once we’ve finished all the paperwork for ya?” He suggested. “Get a head’s start on your packin’ and all.”

“Are you getting soft on me?” you smiled shyly. “What happened to ‘ _I’m not gonna be takin’ it easy on ya_ ’?”

“That,” Len grimaced, “was the worst attempt of a southern accent I have ever heard in my entire life.”

“Good thing it’s not a mandatory requirement for moving on with my residency then.”

“No,” he said as you got up, “but it will be reflected in the grades you’ll be receiving.”

“Hey!” You bumped your left shoulder against his on your way out. “You can’t do that.”

“Sure I can.” He looked mischievously down at you as you were walking back to the hospital side-by-side. “I am a senior surgical physician with Starfleet medical. I get to do all sorts of things.”

You hit him playfully on his back. And if your hand stayed on his torso a little longer than appropriate, neither of you complained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are. The surgical rotation is coming to an end, as well as the second year at Starfleet Academy.  
> 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After lunch with Len on Friday you return to the hospital and have to work through one more night before heading home and talking to Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am back with another chapter!  
> Thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos.  
> They make my day and are a huge encouragement when it comes to writing!

Your shift in the ER would not start until 10pm, but you had no intention of going back home any earlier than Saturday morning. So after Len and you got your paperwork sorted out instead of going home, you used the time you had to clear out your locker, read up on a few things and _not_ thinking about Len.

Friday night was very busy in the ER. A typical weekend night, with the usual number of drunks and cuts and bruises to mend and broken bones and noses to fix. Nothing overly dramatic happened, but it was a lot and back-to-back, so that you didn’t see your bed at all.

You would not have been able to sleep anyway, so you welcomed the distraction the work provided you.

When your replacement for the dayshift arrived you quickly changed into your personal clothes and made your way out of the hospital at around 09:45am.

You dreaded the encounter with Andrew, but you were determined to see it through. Deep in thought, you didn’t see Leonard crossing the lobby with great strides until he stood right in front of you.

He was surprised to see you here at the hospital on a Saturday morning.

“Y/N!” His face lit up when he saw you, however his eyes showed concern as he took in your appearance. “You _do_ have an actual home, right?”

He cringed inwardly at himself for the choice of his own words.

“Nah,” you shrugged good-naturedly. “Much cheaper to just set up camp in here.”

He frowned but continued talking. “There has been a CMI on the highway close by. Huge pile-up involving several cars and an unknown amount of injured victims.”

He started walking in the direction you had just come from, urging you to join him with a slight touch on your elbow.

“Patients are bein’ brought to all San Francisco hospitals as we speak, and we’re also takin’ on a few. I could use a pair of extra hands down in the ER.”

He pressed the button for the doors to the ER Unit to open, then looked over to you.

“If you are up to it, of course.”

Before you could answer, the doors slid open and Len stepped through, looking back at you questioningly.

You sighed and followed him.

If there indeed had been a critical mass incident there would be multiple patients and all hands available were needed on deck.

Andrew would have to wait a little longer.

***

You wished you had not been back here so soon. You were tired to no end and desperately needed sleep. The last time you had slept properly was more than 36 hours ago.

“Ever been to the ER?” Leonard inquired as you walked through the door.

“Girl – you look like shit!” Patrick greeted you when you entered. “I can’t believe they’d call you in too!”

You nodded in his direction. “Mornin’ Patrick. Charming as always…”

Len looked at you taken slightly aback. “I guess that answers my question.”

Before he got around to ask anything else, the door opened and the first patients arrived.

Leonard took charge of the situation. You admired the tranquility with which he triaged and directed the incoming patients to the waiting staff.

When the fourth patient had rolled in Leonard was notified by the control center in charge of overseeing and disposing the CMI that, for the time-being, Starfleet Medical would not have to take on any more patients.

Len was about to turn his attention to one of the four patients, waving you to follow him when the door to the ER opened again and none other than Jim Kirk himself came in, supporting yet another victim of the accident.

You had heard that he was good looking. Even with his white t-shirt stained with blood and dirt all over his face and jeans, he lived up to this reputation.

His piercing blue eyes scanned the room for help. It didn’t take long before they locked onto McCoy.

“Bones!”

_Bones?_

Len turned around on the spot and his eyes widened when he caught sight of the blood-covered man. 

“Dammnit, Jim! Why the hell am I not surprised to find you in the middle of this god-forsaken upheaval?”

Regardless of his harsh words, you could see a deep concern in Len’s eyes as he gave the famous Captain a quick once-over.

You couldn’t help but wonder at their obvious familiarity. They clearly knew each other well.

“Are you hurt?” McCoy demanded as he helped Jim settle his charge onto the nearest unoccupied biobed.

Even though the younger man moved silently and with fluid grace, there was a slight pinch in his expression that gave away his pain.

But the second Jim straightened back up again, his features smoothed out and any evidence of pain went with it.

“No. I’m fine.”

Refusing to take him at his word, Len reached out for him, inspecting his bloodied t-shirt. Kirk humored him for a moment, but then brushed him off.

“It’s not mine, Bones. He’s the one who needs your help.”

He pointed towards the man on the biobed who had begun to moan loudly and curl into himself. Len turned his attention back to his patient and began checking for the basics.

“Start talkin’, kid...” he ordered with a quick, prompting glance up at Kirk. “What the hell happened out there?”

”I was on my way here to check in on Pike when there was this six-car pile-up on the highway just outside of campus. And before you ask, no, I was not a part of, or the cause of said accident. This time,” he added with an apologetic smile when Len shot him a glare.

“That _is_ a first...” the doctor mumbled, then shushed his patient more tenderly as his probing elicited a pained yelp. “And this guy?”

“Found him trapped beneath one of the cars. By the time I got him free, there were no more ambulances available. Figured it’d be quicker to just bring him here myself rather than wait for another ambo. He’s in pretty bad shape, Bones.”

“Tell me somethin’ I _don’t_ know, Jim.”

You could see the indecision warring on Len’s face.

He took a deep breath, then looked up for some help and waved you over. You were by his side in a heartbeat, ready to assist.

“I need to get this guy into surgery, pronto,” he stated.

You nodded, preparing yourself for a lot more overtime than you had anticipated.

“I’ll just... get out of your hair then,” Jim offered quietly, turning on his heel and heading for the exit.

“You – _freeze_!” Len barked, pointing a finger at the younger man’s back as if willing him to obey.

Jim stopped in his tracks, dropping his head to his chest with a heavy sigh.

He knew he shouldn’t have turned his back to McCoy. The jagged slice in his shirt across his left shoulder blade wasn’t as easy to explain away as the drying blood stains.

He felt the doctor’s familiar hands on him seconds later.

“Not your blood, my ass!” Len scolded as he ripped the shirt further, inspecting Jim’s shoulder.

“Hey!” Jim objected as he spun back around. “It’s just a scratch, Bones. No big deal.” Leonard looked to the patient on the biobed, then back to Jim, muttering to himself. He hesitated, then made up his mind.

“Don’t move a damned muscle, Jim. I mean it.”

Len moved back towards the biobed and you met him halfway. He reached out and gripped your shoulder, unaware of the painful bruises hidden beneath your shirt, and pulled you a bit closer in confidence.

“I hate to do this to you, Y/N, but I can’t be in two places at once. I’ll take that guy up to the OR myself, but I need you to take care of Jim.”

You glanced back at Kirk curiously. He seemed perfectly fine, aside from that minor cut Len had spotted. A few stitches, and he’d be good as new.

Len seemed to understand your confusion.

“Jim has a tendency to downplay injuries. Not a fan of the medical profession. Normally, I wouldn’t subject anyone else to his juvenile behavior, but I don’t have much choice right now. I need your help. Do you think you can handle him?”

Handle Jim Kirk? _Captain James Tiberius Kirk?_

This day had taken a very interesting turn.

Jim shifted awkwardly, apparently having overheard at least some of your conversation.

“Bones, seriously... I’m...”

“Don’t even try it, kid. You go sit tight in cabin 1 over there and let Dr. Y/LN have a proper look at ya. And Jim, you don’t step foot out of that room until she clears you, understand?”

Kirk seemed surprised at first when he realized he was being delegated to you, but then he glanced at the man he had carried in and apparently didn’t want Len wasting any more time arguing with him.

He nodded glumly, then made his way to the door of the designated cabin, lingering outside of it and refusing to go in until he absolutely had to.

Len kept his eyes fixed on Kirk the entire time he was in motion. Only when the kid leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, looking petulant, did McCoy turn his gaze back to you.

“If he even tries to leave without your medical approval, you have my permission to sedate his ass into next Tuesday, got it?”

“You realize I can still hear you, right?” Kirk muttered from across the room.

He swayed minutely and Len turned his ire back onto Jim. “Go sit down before you fall down!”

The Captain smirked at McCoy. “I love it when you get all authoritative...”

"I swear, Jim, if you’re not sittin’ in the next five seconds, I’ll knock you out cold myself!”

Jim raised both hands in mock surrender. “Alright, alright! I’m going.”

This time, you did notice that Kirk’s left arm wasn’t raised as high as his right one. Len was right. He was definitely hiding his pain.

You and Len both watched as Kirk disappeared into the room and behind the privacy curtain, then turned back to each other. Len took the lead again.

“Alright, start with giving him a full body scan. I don’t give a crap what he says. He won’t cop to anything voluntarily, but there’s obviously more to the story than he’s lettin’ on and we need to know what.

“Then take care of that wound on his back. Looked like he still had some glass shards in it. No doubt got caught sliding through that guy’s broken window to get him out. And make sure you scan his ribs. He was favoring his right side when he came in. You with me so far?”

You hadn’t noticed that at all, but clearly Len was more intimately aware of Kirk’s tells.

Your brain was still trying to catch up with the situation and you didn’t realize Len was expecting another response until he prompted you again.

“Y/N?” He kept looking at you questioningly, then squeezed your shoulder once more, sending painful waves through your body which helped ground you.

You suppressed a flinch and nodded in confirmation. “Yes, of course. No problem. I’ll be thorough.”

“Good. He does have a long list of allergies, so consult his records or check with me before giving him anything. Morphine or Ketamine and Midazolam will do in a pinch, but try not to use them if you don’t have to. They tend to mess with his head. And if you need a local to fix up his shoulder, try Lidocaine. I know it’s old-fashioned, but it works.”

You nodded again, feeling like a camp counselor talking to a kid’s over-protective parent.

“And don’t let him talk you out of examining him properly or giving him hypos if he needs them. He has a high pain threshold and can be a pretty stubborn ass when it comes to taking care of himself. Once you are done with him, you report back to me.”

With that, Len dismissed you and returned to the accident victim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess talking to Andrew will have to wait a little longer...  
> As always: I would love to hear your thoughts on the story!
> 
> I am planning to update again this weekend, so if you liked this story so far, make sure to stay tuned! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More taking care of Jim in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter!  
> More of Jim and you!

Getting back into professional mode, you calmed your nerves and headed for cabin 1 with your head held high. You were studying to become a surgeon for crying out loud. You could handle a simple exam. Even if the patient _was_ attractive and famous.

Christine, one of the surgical nurses, finished with a brief exam of another of the crash victims and was making her way over to you.

“I can help you keep Jim under control,” she chuckled with a wink. “Can’t tell you how many times he’s tried to make a run for it and nearly succeeded.”

“Nearly?” you questioned, wondering for a second time what you had gotten yourself into.

“He never makes it past Dr. McCoy!” she laughed.

“She can handle him alone, Nurse Chapel,” Len stated confidently. “I’ll need you to assist me with this one.”

Christine raised her eyebrows in surprise, but Len was already preparing the patient’s bed to be moved and he didn’t catch her expression.

“He must really like you,” she whispered, clapping you gently on the back as she changed direction. “He normally never entrusts Jim’s care with anyone but himself.”

Feeling like the weight of the world would be on your shoulders if you messed this up in any way, you entered cabin 1 with a tentative knock.

“Captain?” you called out, praying that he was still in the room and hadn’t managed to escape on your watch already.

“Please, call me Jim,” came the quiet response from the other side of the curtain.

You took a deep, calming breath, then moved around the cloth to find him sitting on the very edge of the biobed, looking almost as nervous as you felt.

The poorly concealed vulnerability made you realize that he was only human after all. Granted, a human who managed to save the entire planet and everyone on it not too long ago, but still... Only human.

He offered you a weak smile, and you were immediately taken in again by his attractiveness. The hype barely scratched the surface. You felt your face flush.

“Pleasure to meet you, Jim. I’m Dr. Y/LN, but you can call me Y/N.”

“Hi, Y/N. Is he still out there?”

“He’s bringing the other patient up to the OR,” you replied honestly.

“Perfect. Then I’m just gonna head home and we can pretend none of this ever happened, okay?”

He stood up gingerly, but you closed the door behind you with a resounding click and he froze again, his face a bit paler than before.

“Dr. McCoy was right. You really should sit down before you fall down.”

Jim shook his head wearily.

“Look, I know Bones can be a bit overprotective, but this honestly isn’t necessary.”

“Noted. But I think I should be the official judge on that, don’t you?”

Jim huffed out a laugh. “I can see why he likes you.”

_Why did everyone keep saying that?_ _!_

“I doubt personal opinions have anything to do with it,” you replied, playing it down but keeping the light conversation going in hopes of easing his tension. “On a day like this, we need all hands on deck.”

“It’s more than that though,” Jim replied, his bright blue eyes piercing into yours. “He trusts you. So, I guess I should too.”

With that simple statement, Jim settled more comfortably onto the biobed and resigned himself to the exam.

You didn’t know why, but you could tell trust didn’t come easily to him. This particular moment was more significant than you’d ever know.

“Thank you,” you stated sincerely.

Normally, you’d start by asking the patient where it hurts. But judging from what you’d seen and heard so far about the Captain, Jim had a habit of being less than forthcoming.

Full exam it was then.

“Alright, Jim. Why don’t you take off your shirt to start with, and let me check you out?”

He raised a humorous eyebrow at you and you closed your eyes in embarrassment.

“Over,” you quickly corrected with emphasis. “Let me check you _over_ …”

“That’s a very tempting offer, Y/N, but I’m afraid I might need your help with that.”

For a brief moment, you thought he was simply flirting back. His Casanova persona wasn’t exactly a secret around campus either.

But then you watched as he attempted to raise his shirt and grimaced, and you realized he truly _was_ asking for help in removing it.

As Len had anticipated, Jim was clearly more hurt than he had been letting on.

“Hang on. Don’t move,” you instructed, retrieving your tricorder and beginning the first scan.

He stayed perfectly still as you ran it over his body.

Once again, Len had been right.

Jim had a relatively deep laceration on his upper left shoulder blade, and the read-out was indicating foreign objects embedded in the wound.

Apparently, a good portion of the blood on that side of his shirt was in fact Jim’s, and not all belonging to the man he had carried in, as he had previously implied.

Further down, you saw symptoms of road-rash and bruised ribs on the right side. Thankfully, none of them was broken though.

You frowned at him as you came back around to his front side. “I thought you said you weren’t involved in the crash?”

“I wasn’t,” he reaffirmed.

“Then where did the road-rash come from?” you challenged.

Jim ran his tongue along his bottom lip in thought, preparing to fess up.

“Alright, full disclosure. I didn’t lie earlier. I _wasn’t_ involved in the initial crash. But I had to tank my bike to avoid it in time.”

You winced at the thought. They didn’t call motorcycles “donor cycles” for no reason.

“You’re lucky to be alive,” you told him as you set aside the tricorder, then lifted Jim’s chin to check his eyes for a possible concussion.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Kirk chuckled, then blinked hard once you moved the light away and released him. “This was hardly the first crazy stunt I’ve ever pulled.”

Judging by the rumors about how Jim went from cadet to Captain in the course of a few hours, you didn’t doubt it.

For the most part, his injuries appeared to be superficial, but the tricorder couldn’t give you all the necessary stats. For that, you’d need to get him onto the biobed properly.

This time, you were very careful how you chose your words to avoid any further embarrassment. “Can you lay flat on the biobed for a moment so I can finish gathering your data?”

“Uh... Yeah. Sure.”

Jim swallowed hard and seemed rather uncomfortable at the simple request, but he eased himself down onto his back with a soft hiss, then practically held his breath while he waited for the results.

Thankfully, the readings of the biobed were within the normal range, although his heartrate was slightly elevated, no doubt from nerves.

You nearly sighed in relief. Ultimately, he really _was_ fine. He only required a few stitches and some time with a regen unit, both of which you could handle. Captain Kirk wasn’t about to die on your watch today after all.

“You’re in luck, Jim,” you said cheerfully, more than happy to share the final results. “You just have that one deep cut on your left shoulder, and some bruised ribs. Nothing too serious.”

“Great!” Jim breathed out, sitting up quickly and swinging his legs back off the bed as if to leave. “All good then.”

“Hold on!” You stopped him with a hand against his chest. “You’ll need some stitches to close the wound before I can apply a dermal regenerator. Otherwise, it will leave a nasty scar. And I need to clean the glass out first.”

Jim grimaced, his muscles tense and ready to run. “I thought women digged scars?” he deflected his anxiety with a fake grin. “Just clean it up if you want and slap a band aid on it. It’ll heal by itself.”

You blinked at him in disbelief.

Was this really happening? Was the notoriously badass Jim Kirk truly afraid of some minor medical procedures? Judging by the trembling you felt beneath your fingers, the answer was an emphatic yes.

You felt sympathetic towards him, but you weren’t about to let that interfere with his proper care.

“Jim, if I let you walk out of here without closing this wound, you are bound to end up with an infection that might lead to sepsis and then we’ll have you back here for _more_ than just a few regen rounds. Is that what you want?”

Jim dropped his gaze to the floor, looking sufficiently chastised.

“No,” he admitted softly.

“Good. Now lay back down, but on your stomach this time so I can see what I’m doing.”

“Don’t I need to take off my shirt first?” he asked in confusion as you helped him turn over and get settled. You shook your head.

“I don’t want to risk making it any worse by having you move with glass still under your skin. You just stay put while I go find a regen unit, and when I get back, I’ll cut away the cloth. That shirt is a lost cause anyway.”

You heard Jim groan miserably and watched him bury his head in his arms as you stepped out and closed the door behind you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are still taking care of Jim and Len returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!   
> I felt the need to wrap this up a bit, so here is the next chapter.  
> I hope you like it.

When you returned to cabin 1 a short time later, you were relieved to find Jim not only still in the room, but in the same position you had left him in.

He observed your every move in silence as you prepared to fix his shoulder, lining up the tools you would require to do so. The tension in his body was growing with every passing minute.

“It’s alright, Jim,” you soothed. “I’ll start with a quick hypo of local anesthetic, and you won’t feel anything else till the damage is repaired, okay?”

“You umm... You’re not gonna knock me out though, right?”

“Would you prefer it if I did?”

He seemed to consider the possibility, then shook his head. “No.”

“Just the local then,” you promised, then began slicing up the back of Kirk’s shirt with a pair of sheers.

He shivered nervously. You wished you could hold his hand in comfort and still be able to do the stitching, but that wasn’t possible. Instead, you came up with a different compromise.

“If you would prefer to wait for Dr. McCoy to do the stitches, I can go check on his status.”

“Oh no, no no no,” Jim was quick to answer. “I’m sure you can handle them just fine. No need to bother Bones. I know he’s busy.”

“Okay. Just try to relax then, and it’ll be over before you know it.”

Just to be safe, you checked Jim’s file for his allergies and were surprised to find such a long list. But Len was right. Lidocaine was not red flagged. You prepared the hypo, then injected it as gently as possible near the wound.

Jim barely flinched and looked markedly relieved after it was done.

“We’ll give that a moment to kick in, alright? And while we wait, why don’t you tell me why you call Dr. McCoy ‘Bones’?”

Kirk huffed out a laugh and slowly began to relax as the numbing agent did its job and he got caught up in a fond memory.

He didn’t even seem to notice when you began the first stitch. A warm smile crossed your face as you listened intently to the story of how he and Len first met.

***

Leonard had started to close the fascia when Dr. M'Benga stuck his head into the OR.

"Oh, Geoff, great timing. You think you can close this one up for me? I need to get back to the ER and check on Jim."

Dr. M'Benga nodded as he frowned in concern. "The captain was involved with the accident?"

“When is he _not_ in the center of attention?"

“By all means, go take care of him. I’ve got this.”

Leonard stepped away from the table and let Dr. M’Benga take over.

“Thanks, Geoff.”

He was out the door in a flash.

“Who has been taking care of Jim while McCoy’s been up here?” Geoffrey asked Christine when he stepped to the table, ready to close the patient.

“His resident, Dr. Y/LN.”

Dr. M’Benga looked up in surprise. “His resident? Interesting...”

***

Leonard made his way down to the ER at a fast clip. He hoped that Jim was still there and had been behaving himself.

He marched straight towards cabin 1 and opened the door quickly but quietly.

He found Jim to be laying on his stomach on the biobed in an untypically relaxed state under your hands. You were bent over Jim’s back, swiftly applying stitches to the large cut on his shoulder.

Jim was talking to you and Len leaned closer to catch a bit of the conversation.

“I can’t believe he actually threw up on me. I mean, he said he would, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. But still...”

Len leaned against the doorway and let his eyes rest on you, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips when he heard you laugh heartily.

There was no denying you were great with patients, even when they weren’t sedated on the OR table. Keeping Jim distracted was a brilliant move, and it was working perfectly.

You finished the final stitch and sat back with a slow exhale of relief.

“All done, Jim. I’m just going to set up the regen unit now. You might feel some tingling or heat once the Lidocaine wears off, but it shouldn’t cause you any pain.”

“No worries. I have plenty of experience with regens,” Jim chuckled. “Just ask Bones.”

“It’s true,” Len admitted, giving away his presence. “He does. More than any human being ever should.”

Jim’s head shot up and both of you looked towards the other man in surprise.

“Hey, Bones!"

"Hey, kid. You doin' alright?"

“Yeah. I’m great, actually. I like this one. You should keep her.”

“I just might,” Len joked back, bringing a blush to your cheeks. “This is the only time I’ve ever seen you hold still long enough to receive proper treatment.”

“Wear the right protective gear next time you go out on the road, Jim, and you won’t find yourself in this situation again,” you reprimanded gently, patting Kirk on his good shoulder.

Leonard smiled at you both as Jim dropped his head back down to the bed with a grumble. Then it was Len’s turn to grumble as his comm went off. He grudgingly answered it, then hung up with a frustrated sigh.

"Damnit. Sorry, kid. I gotta go. Y/N, we are kind of short on staff due to the CMI and, as well trained as these hands might be,” he lifted his hands up slightly, “they can’t pull off a splenectomy by themselves. I hate to ask this of you since you’re already into overtime, but I could use some assistance.”

"You know, you should just tell her that you want to spend more time with her,” Jim informed Len. "If you don't ask her out on an actual date soon, I might..."

“Control yourself, Jim.”

Len looked almost as uncomfortable as you felt. His eyes darted to yours, before quickly looking away again.

"Ignore the infant. You scrubbin' in with me or what?"

You mouthed wordlessly at him for a moment, then pointed at the man on your table.

"But what about the Captain?"

"He'll be just fine. In fact..." McCoy stalked over, snatched a pre-labeled and prepped hypo, and jabbed the painkiller into Jim’s neck. "There. All done. Now get out of my ER, Jim, before I change my mind and keep you here for more tests."

“Ouch!” Jim rubbed his neck as he slowly sat up and rotated his shoulder gingerly. “You know, she's a lot nicer than you, Bones, not to mention prettier. Your bedside manner still sucks. Think I might have to switch primaries..."

Len tossed a scrub shirt at Jim who caught it with his good hand and managed to pull it on, with a bit of help from you.

“Don’t get my hopes up, kid,” Len retorted. “Rest that shoulder and I’ll run another regen round on it for you when I get home later. I mean it, Jim. Nothing strenuous.”

“Yeah, yeah... Thanks, Y/N. For your help.”

You were pretty sure by the genuine gratitude in his eyes that he wasn’t just talking about getting him dressed.

You smiled endearingly at him. “Be safe out there, Jim.”

He winked back. “Always.”

And with that, he was gone.

You fell into step beside Len as you made your way back to the OR, fighting the need to yawn.

Len glanced sideways at you in concern.

“Sure you’re up for this?”

Honestly – you weren’t. You were tired and wanted nothing more than to call it a day and fall into your bed. But the prospect of pushing the talk with Andrew further down the line and being able to have one last surgery with Len made you nod in response.

Seeing the relieved smile on Len’s face was more than worth it.

You had no idea how you managed to stay awake through the surgery and more so even perform half decently.

It was already late afternoon when you finished the splenectomy and had just closed the abdomen when the ICU commed Dr. McCoy.

One of the other accident victims had been brought to the ICU for observation while his femoral neck fracture was treated with external bone regenerators. The nurse calling right now informed Len that the patient had started to have trouble breathing.

“Ah, hell... I hate to ask this of ya,” Leonard began with a frustrated shake of his head, “but think ya can go there and have a quick look for me before ya leave? I need to start the next set of scans on Admiral Pike and he’s not a man who likes to be kept waiting.”

The adrenaline rush that had helped you through the day so far was beginning to abate. You had not felt hunger or thirst during the entire shift, and your body had simply ignored the underlaying tiredness.

But now you were struggling to keep your eyes open and concentrate on your surroundings.

You checked the time. 5pm.

Leonard took in your tired eyes as you glanced at the clock on the wall and he instantly felt guilty for having asked you this additional favor.

You sighed. Andrew would be angry with you for showing up late anyway by now. Another half hour wouldn’t make a difference. 

“Just forget I asked,” Len interrupted your thoughts, his voice soft and warm. “I’ll check on the patient myself real quick. You go home and get some rest. You look like you need it.”

But you shook your head. “No, it’s alright. I can do it.”

“Are you sure?” He pressed, still feeling guilty.

Despite your growing exhaustion you nodded. “Yeah, no problem.” Then you turned around to walk to the ICU. “I’ll let you know if you’re actually needed down there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is always something coming up at a hospital...  
> Andrew will just have to wait a tiny bit longer. 
> 
> I will try to update again soon! Thank you for sticking with me and the story and for your support!
> 
> As always: comments are more than welcome! ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are having a quick look at the patient on the ICU for Leonard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with the next chapter.  
> This one is not that long but was rather hard for me to write.
> 
> I hope I didn't go too medical and I managed to get all of the emotion involved across.

The patient in the bed before you was clearly in distress. His oxygen levels were in the low 80s and his heart was racing.

“How long has he been like this?” you inquired as you ran the bedside tricorder over the patient and waited for its results. 

While one of the nurses answered your questions, the heartrate of the patient accelerated further and the blood pressure started to drop.

Your mind went into overdrive and a drop-down menu containing a list of possible causes opened in front of your inner eye.

“Check his blood for D-Dimers, BNP and Trop.”

The tricorder showed its results at the same time as the patient went into ventral fibrillation and the biobed hauled in a red alarm.

The obviously unexperienced nurses stood frozen and stared at the readings of the biobed, then turned their attention towards you.

You glanced from the tricorder to the vitals displayed over the biobed and it took you another moment to finally snap into action.

You felt the eyes on you, waiting for you to take charge of the situation. You were used to be part of a well experienced team in the ER, but this was something different.

You moved to the patient’s head and pointed at one of the nurses. “You start thorax compressions now. You – “, you pointed at the nurse next to her, “get the defibrillator and load to 200 joules. And we need to start a lysis.

“Get me a laryngoscope and ventilation tube. STAT! And someone call Dr. McCoy!” you added.

It felt like working with children but eventually the nurses sprang into action.

To your own surprise, you worked calmly and efficiently, connected the patient to the ventilator of the biobed and guided the nurses through the changes between defibrillating the patient and applying thorax compressions.

A young man in blue scrubs stepped in from the hallway. “I am sorry, but I can’t reach Dr. McCoy. He is not answering his comm.”

“Keep trying!” you snapped at him without even looking up.

You lost track of time as you kept running one CPR circle after the next, but nothing about your patient’s status changed.

“Step away for the rhythm analysis,” you ordered after yet another round.

_Shit._

The nurse in her workflow had already been charging the defibrillator, ready to apply yet another wave of electricity.

“Put that away and continue the compressions.” She looked at you in confusion.

“Compressions – now!” you barked at her. “The man is flatlining! Since when do we defibrillate a flatline? Don’t you learn anything at nurse-school?”

You knew you were being unfair. The nurse was as stressed as you were, if not even more, and she probably had not even realized that there had been a change in the heart rhythm. But you were on edge and not able to play nice right now.

You adjusted your inner flowchart to the new heart rhythm and kept going. The whole situation was shifting in the wrong direction.

You were about to administer another dose of adrenalin when finally Leonard, slightly out of breath, entered the room.

“Y/N, what happened?” he stepped next to you at the head of the bed.

“Lung artery embolism, sent him into cardiac arrest.” You didn’t take your eyes off the biobed readings. “He was in v-fib but started to flatline a while ago. Cumulatively we are 15mg of adrenalin in.”

Len rose an eyebrow.

“Have you started him on a lysis therapy?”

“I have.”

“When?”

“5:16pm,” one of the nurses answered for you. Leonard checked his watch. It was almost 6pm.

“Alright, let’s give this one more round,” he announced. This statement pulled you out of observing the patient’s vitals.

“What do you mean, _one more round_?” you asked, eyes wide in shock.

The nurses kept resuscitating the patient as you stared at Leonard.

“He has a LAE, if he has not responded to the lysis therapy by now, there ain’t much we can do for him.” Leonard spoke firmly.

“But… no. No! Maybe the blood clot has already dissolved, and he needs just a little more time!” You grabbed the tricorder and started to scan the patient’s chest when Leonard held you back.

You pulled yourself free from Leonard’s grip and resumed your scan.

The clot was still in place.

Leonard glanced over to the readings, then to the nurse applying the thorax compressions. When he shook his head, she stopped.

“No!” you screamed at her. “Don’t stop!” The nurse looked from you to Dr. McCoy but didn’t move.

“It’s okay,” Leonard said to her and turned off the monitoring of the biobed. He checked his watch again, this time to announce the time of death.

“No!” you kept repeating as you leaned over the patient and started to apply hasty compressions. “No no no no… Just a little more time!”

“Y/N, that’s enough,” Len stated softly, moving closer.

“One, two, three, four…” you counted under your breath, not sparing any thought for what Len was saying.

You were biting the inside of your bottom lip as you continued working, not aware of the pity in the eyes of everyone looking at you.

“Come on!” You shouted to no one in particular. “Someone turn that damn biobed back on!”

Leonard nodded his head again and motioned the staff silently to leave the room. You didn’t feel his touch as he placed his hand gently on your back.

“Y/N.” Only when he repeated your name did you become aware of his presence and touch.

“Y/N, it’s alright. You need to let go.”

You shook off his hand and continued the compressions feverishly.

A tear started to make its way down your cheek, swiftly followed by more. You could feel the strength leaving your arms as they began to shake slightly, and your knees felt weak.

“I … I can’t just stop….” you felt Leonard’s hand return to your back and apply soft pressure. His other hand reached around you and rested heavily on your forearm, eventually stopping your movements.

“It’s okay.” His voice was close to your ear. “Come here.” He carefully pulled you away from the bed. When you stumbled slightly, he wrapped his arm tightly around your waist to stabilize you.

He continued speaking softly, as if talking to a wounded animal, trying not to scare it.

You didn’t understand all the words, but the melody of his southern drawl soothed you as you allowed yourself to close your eyes for just one tiny moment.

The moment stretched out in time as you took deep breaths in his comforting embrace, not caring about the tears that kept running down your face.

Eventually, reality kicked back in and when you realized that you were leaning into Leonard, your head resting on his shoulder, you jerked back.

“I… I am sorry,” you started to stutter. “I...I better get going.”

You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. Trying not to look at the patient or Leonard- who was still standing close to you- you directed your attention towards your shoes.

“I... There’s probably some paperwork that needs to be filled out.” Your voice sounded small and, to your annoyance, rather shaky. You cleared your throat and sniffed. “I better get started on it.”

Leonard eyed you with concern.

“You’ve done more than enough for today. I think you should head home, and I’ll take care of the paperwork. You got someone to pick you up, darlin’?”

His voice was warm and kind, and left velvet traces on your skin. You shuddered involuntarily before you shook your head.

“I’m fine,” you tried feebly, turned around, and made a few tentative steps towards the door.

Your legs felt heavy and unsteady. You started to see white dots dancing around as suddenly all the noise left the room.

The next thing you were aware of were strong arms wrapped around your waist again and a gruff voice that sounded as if it reached your ears through multiple layers of cotton wool.

“Sure you are...”

Leonard had been quick to be by your side when you started to sway heavily on your way towards the door.

“Come on, we’ll get ya to my office.” He guided you out of the room. “When I am done with the paperwork, I’ll drop you off at home.”

That made you snap out of your trance at once.

“No, you can’t take me home!” you said quickly, panicking about how Andrew might react if another man brought you back to your shared apartment, hours after you had announced you’d be there.

This was nothing you were able to deal with tonight. Or ever.

The initial look of surprise on Len’s face faded in a sad understanding.

“Let’s get ya to my office first and then we’ll take it from there, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, please let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you for reading and sticking with me and my story!  
> 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After losing your first patient you have a debriefing with Len in his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the next chapter.  
> It is always hard to lose a patient. To have someone to be with you and help you cope is one of the most important things and an essential part of the job. Those (para - medical) conversations keep you sane. Would not have mind having had those with Bones in real life! ;)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

The couch in Dr. McCoy’s office felt very comfortable and worn in, but the leather was rather cold to the touch. Since you were only wearing your short-sleeved scrubs and the thin long-sleeved shirt underneath, you started shivering slightly.

In hindsight, the shaking was more likely due to your exhaustion and the shock of losing your first patient.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and were rubbing your arms.

“You cold, kiddo?” Len was already walking towards the sideboard next to his desk without waiting for your answer.

He turned around and handed you a dark blue washed-out hoodie with the letters “Ole Miss” printed in red on the front.

You looked at it hesitantly.

“It’s fresh out of the laundry, I promise.” He let go of the hoodie and your fingers automatically curled into the soft fabric.

You tried to object, but he cut you off right away.

“Just put the damn thing on already. You’re shakin’ like a leaf, and it’s not gonna bite ya.”

Instead of answering, you let out a breath and put on the hoodie. He _was_ right. You were cold and the hoodie did help to warm you up, inside and out.

It was definitely too big for you, but you were thankful to be able to sink into it like a warm embrace, and that it smelled like Len, you didn’t mind. At all.

Despite your reluctance, you allowed the tension and anxiety to bleed out of you and curled up on the corner of the couch, leaning your forearm against the armrest.

Leonard sat down next to you but kept a respectful distance.

“You did good back there.” He simply stated.

You laughed drily. “Not good enough.” You fumbled with the sleeves of the hoodie, not looking up.

“You know that ain’t true,” Leonard insisted.

“Then why is he dead right now?” you asked quietly. 

Your right hand had found your left inside the too long sleeves and you started to worry it between you thumb and index finger, applying more and more pressure as you kept biting your bottom lip.

“He is dead because he had a pulmonary embolism. Not because you did something wrong.” Len shifted his head and tried to catch your eyes, but you didn’t look up.

“Y/N, look at me.” He demanded after a few more moments of silence. When you didn’t obey, he reached out with his hand and placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head up carefully.

“I ain't gonna sugarcoat it for you, kid. We can’t save 'em all.” He looked you in the eyes. “That’s just the cold, hard truth. People die every day. Bodies fail, sometimes without any warning. That’s a pretty tough lesson to learn, but it’s all part of the job.”

He dropped his hand to your lap where your hands kept moving tirelessly against each other and squeezed them through the fabric of the hoodie, stilling your nervous fidgeting.

“We do the best we can, but we’re not gods. When it’s their time, it’s their time, and we have to let them go. Simple as that.”

“Nothing’s ever that simple…” you grumbled dryly.

He squeezed your hands one more time before he leaned back.

“No. I suppose it isn’t. But the fact of the matter is, this job is damned hard, and no matter how much you try, you're gonna lose patients along the way. Those days won’t get any easier, so long as you’ve still got compassion to spare, but you’ll find ways to cope. You’ll learn to accept the loses and move on. And maybe, just maybe, you can save the next one instead."

This was not exactly what you had wished to hear, but you took it in as part of the inevitable lesson life had decided to teach you today. And maybe Len was right, and indeed this was what you needed to hear.

Leonard broke the silence that had fallen between you after a few moments.

“So, I hear you know your way around the ER pretty well?” He half smiled at you.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Been kind of working shifts there for the past two years.”

“Now that solves the mystery of the ever-so-tired resident in my OR.”

He nudged your shoulder playfully.

“Hey,” you protested. “Don’t go gettin' cheeky with me on our last day _, kiddo!_ ”

Len had his hand outstretched halfway towards you, about to ruffle your hair when his comm went off.

He rolled his eyes, then answered it. “McCoy.”

You waited with bated breath as the brief exchange took place, trying to mentally prepare yourself to jump back into the fray, regardless of your body’s protests.

“Alright. I’m on my way.”

You sat up and started reluctantly removing Len’s sweatshirt, but he held out a hand to stop you.

“You stay right there and relax till I get back. Just somethin’ small I gotta deal with. Shouldn’t take me long.”

Relieved you settled back into the warm spot you had created on the couch as he disappeared out the door. You were going to miss working with Len, badly.

You felt a pinch of sadness weaving itself into your state of utter exhaustion. Your eyes burned, and when you closed them for some relief, you allowed the wave of fatigue and weariness that had slowly been building up for the past few hours to crash over you.

When Leonard returned to his office shortly after, he found you right where he had left you; curled up in his hoodie on his couch. Your breath flowing evenly and your head snuggled on the armrest next to you.

He felt responsible for you, and there was this overwhelming urge to protect you that he still was not able to deal with properly. He wondered, not for the first time, what exactly was going on in your life.

Fondly looking down at you, he placed the blanket he kept in his office- for whenever he had to crash on the couch- over you.

A strand of your hair had come loose and hung slightly over your closed eyes. He reached out with his hand to tuck it back behind your ear, careful not to wake you.

He paused for a moment, looking at your now peaceful features, then he slightly shook his head, turned off the lights and left you to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

You’d continue your talk in the morning.

***

When you woke up, it was dark and you were alone. It took you a few moments to realize that you were still in Len’s office, on his couch, snuggled into a blanket.

You checked the time. 1:08am.

Andrew.

_Shit._

You jumped off the couch and made your way back to your place through the mild Summer’s night.

There was still light in the kitchen when you entered the apartment, a bottle of scotch halfway empty on the counter.

“Where the hell’ve you been?” you heard Andrew from the living room area. His voice was slightly slurred.

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was to come when you stepped around the corner to find him sitting on the couch, glaring at you.

You could do this.

“There was an emergency at the hospital, and I got held up…”

Andrew looked you up and down.

“The hospital, huh?” He took another sip out of his glass. “And whose sweatshirt ’re you wearin’?” His voice was calm and cold. “It sure ain’t one of mine.”

Your heart fell as you looked down at yourself, aghast to find that you were still wearing Len’s Ole Miss hoodie.

“Let me guess – they hand them out at your precious hospital for everyone to wear, right?” He took another sip of his drink. “Starfleet standard-issued medical cadet’s uniform?”

He got up and started to stagger towards you, one finger pointing at you and still holding his glass.

“Tell me...” You could smell that his breath was laden with alcohol as he stood mere inches away from you. “Was he worth it?”

You swallowed hard as he smashed his glass on the floor next to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Andrew was inevitable. Sorry for the cliffhanger though...  
> I am still working on the next chapter and will upload as soon as it is done.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come home way too late and meet a drunken Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing and rewriting this chapter **a lot**.  
> Finally, I settled on the form and shape it is in now.  
> If you want to receive any additional warnings _before_ you read, please jump to the notes at the end of the chapter.

You looked up and saw the imposing building that was Starfleet medical in front of you. You could not even remember how you got there.

For most of the day, you had been wandering through the city aimlessly while you tried to push away any memories of last night. You were focusing on the outcome.

~

 _Get out of here._ _Now._

_~_

You were surprised when Andrew had obliged. Had it really been that easy in the end?

You had reached the harbor and found a spot on a small wall. You loved the sea, it reminded you of home and helped you to ground yourself. The salty wind blew into your face and played with your hair as you took in deep breaths of the fresh air.

~

_You sit on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around your legs with your back leaning against the wall. You are trembling and your heart beats hard and loud in your chest. Andrew’s face is pale and shows helplessness and fear when the reality of what just happened slowly gets through to him._

_He reaches out his hand, not touching you._

_“Babe, I… ‘m sorry,” he stutters in shock as realization finally hits him. “I.. I didn’t mean to…”_

_A part of you believes him. You take in his pleading eyes, but there is not an ounce of empathy left in you. You had begged him to stop. You had screamed. But he kept going. He could have stopped then, but he kept going._

_You are feeling numb as you stare in his direction. When he comes closer and his hands are almost reaching you, you snap out of your paralysis._

_You will_ not _allow him to touch you again._

_You don’t know where you are drawing the strength to straighten up from. You look him in the eye and your voice is cold and surprisingly controlled when it comes out._

_“Don’t touch me. Get out of here. Now.”_

~

You were still holding Len’s hoodie in your hands. You pressed your face into the fabric, feeling comforted by its soft touch and the familiar scent.

~

_You hear the door close. He is gone. You don’t move until you are sure he isn’t coming back. Then you try to get up, but your stomach turns as a wave of nausea hits you._

_You let yourself sink back into the pillows of your bed, stretching your arm out to your left to try and reach the blanket to cover you. All you can get a hold of is a hoodie._

The _hoodie._

_You pull it close and wrap your arms around it, bury your face in it and let its scent calm you._

_~_

You had been sitting on that wall until you started to feel cold, despite the warm Summer day that had already begun to fade. You had no idea how much time had passed; it didn’t really matter anyway. What mattered was that he was gone.

Your duffle bag laid next to you. You were not going to stay on campus- with Andrew- one night longer than you had to.

_~_

_Hastily, you throw your clothes into your duffle bag, you grab your toiletries, your small medkit as well as your personal PADD and your comm._

_You check the shuttle timetable and see that there is a shuttle leaving for your hometown the next morning. But you cannot stay another night. You won’t._

_You don’t think Andrew will return to the apartment anytime soon, but you don’t want to take any chances of seeing him again. It is over._ Finally _over._

_~_

You got off the wall and started to walk. You were still sore, but you ignored the pain. You didn’t have anywhere to go and you felt restless. You allowed yourself to roam the streets of San Francisco aimlessly until you found yourself across from Starfleet Medical.

You looked down at the hoodie again then consciously decided to enter. You took in the familiar scent of the building you had spent so much time in as you walked towards the office section.

You were going to return the sweater, drop it off at Len’s office, and then find a place to spend the night.

The corridors were empty, just as you had hoped they would be.

You approached Len’s office slowly. A part of you hoped you would not meet him. Another part, however, was undeniably wishing for him to be there.

You reached Len’s office and knocked silently, one hand already on the handle of the door when you heard a familiar voice from inside the office.

“Come on in!”

You let go of the handle as if it had burned you. You could not meet Len. Not like this. Coming in here had been a really stupid mistake.

~

_You fly across the room and hit your head hard on the doorframe. Andrew is next to you in an instant. You lift your hand to your face and feel something warm on your cheekbone. You don’t have to look at your fingers to know it is blood._

_Andrew is too close, too loud. He kneels down next to you._

_“How could you do this to me, huh?” He starts to caress your battered cheek roughly with his thumb, hurting you. His eyes are not really looking at you when he tightens his hold on your cheek._

_“I-I’m sorry… Please, Andrew…”. You have to get out of here. You have to calm him down and then get as far away from him as possible._

_“No! You ain’t gonna tell me that you’re sorry!” He raises his voice as he grabs you by your wrist and yanks you up painfully. “…Y_ ou betrayed me _!”_

_“Stop it! You’re hurting me!” You try to free yourself, but his grip is hard as steel._

_“Good.” He looks at you coldly. “Because that’s all you have ever done to me.”_

_~_

You turned around on your heel and walked a few steps away from the office door, when it opened and Len stuck his head out, grumbling something to himself.

“Y/N?” You stopped in your tracks.

_Damn it._

You sank your nails into the hoodie and bit your bottom lip.

“What’re you doin’ back here?”

“I umm... I forgot to give this back to you earlier.”

Slowly you turned around and held out his sweatshirt, hoping he’d focus on that instead of you. Unfortunately, luck was not on your side.

Len’s smile was quickly replaced by an alarmed expression as soon as he saw your face.

He closed the distance between you with a few strides.

“What happened?” He reached out for your face but stopped the movement in midair as you jerked back immediately. “What did that son of a bitch do?”

You touched the cut on your cheekbone, only to reveal the fresh bruises covering the old ones on your wrist.

~

_Strong hands hold you down, push you into the pillows of the bed. Frantically, you try to get free from under him, but it is no use._

_He holds your hands in place over your head, your shoulders aching. He pushes your bare legs apart with his knee and takes what he believes to be rightfully his, marking his territory with every harsh and drunken thrust, ignoring you while you’re begging him to stop. He wants to cause you pain._

_And he does._

_Tears run down your cheeks, but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t stop._

_He keeps going. Again and again, and your mind tries to escape, but the pain he invokes keeps you mercilessly in the present._

_Ruthlessly he chases his release thurst after thrust._

_Eventually, he collapses onto you with his full weight, panting heavily, and knocks the air out of your lungs._

_You can’t breathe._

_~_

“Nothing,” you said, your voice barely more than a whisper.

“That’s not nothing.” Len kept looking at your cheek with furrowed brows. He was not going to let it go this time.

You closed your eyes as tears started to well-up behind your eyelids. He was right. And you knew it.

~

_“What have I done?” Andrew sobs, his hands ghosting over your battered and bleeding body, too afraid to touch now. “Oh, babe... What have I done?”_

_Then his attitude changes in an instant as if he’s possessed, and he suddenly jumps out of the bed, hastily pulling up his jeans._

_“No... Not me. It was you!” he shouts. “You brought this on yourself!”_

_All you can manage is to nod, afraid that even this might spark another outburst._  
_You hear him swear under his breath. Then his hand comes flying at you and hits you hard in the face, reopening the cut on your cheek._

_“It is all your fault! You made me do this to you!”_

_You curl up against the wall, trembling as you hold on tightly to your legs._

_You brace yourself for another attack when suddenly something changes in Andrew’s demeanor again when he looks at you, with clear eyes for the first time._

_He is shocked as realization hits him. “I.. I didn’t mean for this to happen…”_

_Get out of here. Now._

_~_

“Damnit, Y/N... You have to report this. He can’t be allowed to keep hurting you!”

“I know,” you admit with a tight throat. “It’s over now. I promise.” You looked at Len urgently. You needed him to drop this.

You held out his hoodie wordlessly once more, trying to keep it together, but you could feel a tear running down your cheek already.

He reached out to take the sweatshirt, then took a step closer and gently wrapped it around your shaking shoulders.

“Come with me,” he urged softly.

You considered resisting, but in all honesty, you just had nothing left in you with which to put up a fight.

He guided you back into his office and back down onto your new favorite couch, then gathered his medical supplies.

The cut on your cheek and the bruises on your wrists spoke a very clear language. One you didn’t have to be a doctor to understand. One he was not going to ignore anymore.

He felt hot rage rise within him as he took in your appearance. He could not bear to see you like this. He had to force himself to stay calm as he turned towards you.

“Let me have a look at that cut for you,” his voice was soft and low.

You closed your eyes for another moment, then opened them slowly and nodded. “Yeah, ok.” You sounded defeated.

You wanted to feel safe. You wanted to be taken care of. You wanted to be around Len.

He returned with a regen unit and slowly reached for your chin, careful to convey each move before he made it so as not to startle you.

You swallowed hard as he carefully placed the regenerator to your face. You could feel Len’s breath on your cheek as he leaned in close, focused on the task at hand.

When his thumb caressed your cheek, you were taken aback by how the motion could be so gentle from one person, and so brutal by another.

“Shouldn’t take too long to heal. Do you need anything for the pain?”

His hand glided up and down your upper arm, purposefully keeping you in the here and now with the contact.

You shook your head in reply, not able to speak while still fighting off the tears.

~

_Your wrists burn from where he was holding you down. Your cheek feels hot, your head throbs and there is a dull pain lingering in your lower abdomen as you lay motionless on the bed._

_When you finally manage to get up you need a few moments to gather your strength and breathe through the pain before you can take a quick and hot shower, trying to wash off any evidence of what had just happened._

_It hurts to walk. You are still slightly nauseous and all the dry heaving has left your throat sore._

_~_

“Anything else I should be concerned about?” Len pressed, referring to any potential hidden injuries.

“No. Just the cheek,” you replied, unable to meet his eyes or admit the truth.

Len looked at you doubtfully, but let it go for now.

“Listen, if you want me to set this guy straight…”

“Len, don’t.” You looked at him pleadingly, not even realizing you had just addressed him as ‘Len’ out loud. “I’ve already handled it.”

~

 _Get out of here._ _Now._

~

Your voice was shaking and you bit your bottom lip when finally you were not able to hold back your tears anymore. You quickly reached up in frustration and wiped away the tears, hoping he wouldn’t notice them.

But of course he noticed. Thankfully, he was too much of a gentleman to comment, but he did silently hand you a box of tissues which you took gratefully.

He also noticed you using the unfamiliar abbreviation of his name. Never had he been referred to as _Len_ , but he decided he liked the sound of it, especially coming from your lips. 

There was a moment of silence between you before the regen unit beeped and he reluctantly reached out for your cheek with his hand, tracing his finger along the thin red line that had appeared instead of the open cut.

“That’s better. One more round, and you won’t even have a scar left.”

You lifted your own hand and cupped Leonard’s with it, holding it in place on your cheek, leaning into the touch with your head.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“Anytime.” He smiled at you, his eyes still showing concern. His beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that were slowly drifting closer to your own...

The dermal regenerator slid off the couch as you both leaned in and it landed loudly on the floor with a clatter. The moment between you passed.

“Damn it... Sorry about that, Y/N.”

You cleared your throat and leaned back again while Leonard picked up the device.

“You know what I really could use right now?“ you broke the awkward silence between you as nonchalantly as possible.

“What’s that, darlin’?” Leonard looked at you curiously but still slightly worried.

“A drink.”

Len was not going to leave you on your own right now. Not until he knew you were safe.

A bar was not the place he’d recommend you to go to, but to keep an eye on you, he’d gladly join.

“Just let me shut down my computer. I’ll buy the first round.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional Warnings**   
>  _There are descriptions of nonconsensual sexual actions in this chapter. If you don't want to read non-con-content, either skip the sections in italics or skip the entire chapter._
> 
> As always: I am grateful if you find the time to share your thoughts with me.  
> Thank you for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could use a drink and Len is not going to let you wander off on your own tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am completely overwhelmed by the feedback I got from you for this story so far, and especially for the last chapter.  
> It was deeply emotional and personal to write and I could not have asked for kinder reactions.
> 
> I am moved and amazed at how many of you follow this fic and I am forever thankful for your willingness to share your thoughts with me!  
> Some of your comments left me touched and on the verge of tears, some of them made me speechless, but all of them confirmed in one way or the other, that the decision to share my story had not been a mistake. 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> I needed a moment to move on... and before I get even more sentimental... on to the next chapter!

The bar was crowded, loud and the air was thick and stuffy. Music was playing in the background and you allowed yourself to dive into the air of ease and lightheartedness that spread through the room.

You found a place at the bar and when Len asked you what you were having, you said you’d get whatever he was getting.

All you wanted was to forget and move on. You had the feeling that alcohol could help you out with that. As for what type or brand, you couldn’t have cared less.

“You sure?” Len raised a critical eyebrow. You smiled at this familiar sight.

“Positive.”

The barkeeper placed two glasses of bourbon in front of you.

“To freedom, and the future!” You raised your glass.

While Len took a sip of the drink and let its taste spread on his tongue, you swallowed the amber liquid in one go, not allowing the burning sensation in your chest to unfold properly before you tapped the bar for another one.

Len eyed you with a frown while you did the exact same thing with the next glass.

“Easy there, champ!” He placed his hand on your arm as you were about to tap the bar for the next drink.

“What?” You looked at him, irritated. “I am all grown up, ya know? I can drink as much as I like!”

“I am not saying you should stop. Just take it slow and, I don’t know, maybe _enjoy_ the drink?” He suggested. “The top shelf is meant to be savored, damnit. Not tossed back like the cheap crap Jim drinks.”

His still slightly concerned face made your heart melt. Or was it the alcohol that spread waves of heat through your chest? You weren’t quite sure.

You started to feel lightheaded and felt the pain in your body subside. You engulfed in this feeling of detachment. Len was right and you probably should stop drinking. At the very least, slow down a bit and pace yourself.

It didn’t help that you haven’t had anything to eat all day, but the prospect of food made your stomach flip.

The drinks made you feel good, and they helped you to forget.

And that was exactly what you needed right now.

Leonard winced next to you as a hand was slammed harshly on his back.

“Bones!” A slightly tipsy Jim Kirk exclaimed loudly. “Thought you had some paperwork due and no time to join me tonight?”

“Speakin’ of the Devil...” Len murmured with a sigh.

Jim ignored him and glanced over at you instead, smiling broadly.

“But I guess you just needed the incentive of better company… I’m hurt, Bones. Just so ya know. But I’mma try not to take it pers’nally.”

He gestured at the bartender to pour a round of shots to the three of you, then grabbed a stool and sat down in between you and Len.

“Jim, you remember my colleague, Doctor...”

“Dr. Y/LN!” Jim greeted joyfully. “Of course I remember you. Bones' right-hand woman!”

He tried to touch his shoulder blade.

“You put my arm back together again. Did a great job too. Can’t even feel it anymore.”

“I reckon the booze may have somethin’ to do with that as well,” Len supplied, his hand automatically shooting out to steady Jim when he turned to face his friend too quickly and the room spun around him. “How long have you been here, Jim?”

“I dunno... What day is it?”

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

“She’s pretty awesome, Bones. I get why you never shut up about her.”

“Will ya just mind your own business for a change, Jim?”

The shots arrived and you grabbed yours, toasting with Jim and ignoring the grumbling Leonard.

“To new friends!” Jim cheered and emptied his glass. You followed suit, and when Len’s glass still stood untouched you helped yourself to it.

Jim laughed out loud. “A woman that knows how to have fun. I like that! Lighten up, Bones. Your face might stick like that...”

He ordered another round of drinks. Blue eyes were searching your face for a reaction as he kept talking to you smugly.

“So, wanna check me out again tonight?”

“For the love of God,” Len cut in angrily. “Will you give it a rest?”

Jim lifted his hands up in the air in defense. “Her words, not mine!”

Len looked over to you bewildered.

Normally you would have wished for a hole in the ground to open and swallow you to get out of this awkward situation, but the rush of the alcohol that had reached your brain made you giggle instead.

“It was Y/N, right?” Jim asked with pursed lips, seemingly deep in thought. “Hang on, are you famous now or somethin’? Swear I heard your name recently, or maybe I read it…?”

“I don’t suppose you got it off her name tag while she was patchin’ you up the other day?” Len asked sarcastically, then fought the urge to roll his eyes in exasperation as Kirk considered this seriously, brows furrowed in thought, then lit up like a drunken Christmas tree.

“Must’ve been it! Nice one, Bones.”

“That’s what you keep me around for, kid.”

You smiled at the boys and were about to give them a sassy retort when someone grabbed you by the arm and yanked you off your stool.

Your sleeve had been pulled up in this motion and Jim caught sight of your freshly bruised wrist, then followed it up to the man holding your arm.

You’ve never seen anyone go from relaxed and happily drunk to deadly calm and sober as Kirk. You were so entranced by the murderous look that flashed in his icy blue eyes, that the man holding your arm had to give you an additional shake to command your attention.

“You li’l whore!” Andrew shouted in your face, completely drunk.

Before you could recover from the shock and understand what was happening, Jim had already leaped off his chair and his fist had landed hard against Andrew’s face.

“You leave her the hell alone, asshole!”

Andrew tried to get back up off the sticky floor, and Jim swung at him again, leaving the man spitting blood and what looked to be a tooth onto the ground.

Jim stood over him, looking like the fierce warrior you had heard about over the course of the past month. Your brain was still trying to catch up to what had happened when Len suddenly appeared by your side.

“Jim! Watch out!”

Apparently, Andrew had been out drinking with friends, and those friends were pretty pissed and looking for a fight.

Just as Jim was turning to see what had upset Leonard, he was tackled to the ground.

You shouted in fear and moved forward as if to help, but Leonard grabbed you around the waist and pulled you back, away from the grappling men.

“Let him get it out of his system...” Len implored, before turning back to keep a close eye on the battle.

The crowed had parted to give them more space.

Much to your surprise, Jim had gotten the upper hand already, and there was even a smirk on his bloodied face as he dropped the second guy to the floor by kicking his legs out from underneath him.

Jim was getting back up onto his own feet when a third guy jumped on him from behind.

Andrew took that opportunity to get back onto his feet and planted his fist into Jim’s stomach as Kirk was trying to throw the other guy off his back.

Jim curled forward briefly to regain his breath, then jolted his head backward into the nose behind him, freeing himself instantly. He used the moment of confusion to throw himself back into the fray, lunging at Andrew again. You could not look away from the scene before you. Jim kept hitting Andrew with a furious rage that you could not quite place.

You were swaying heavily, partly from the alcohol, partly from the shock.

Len kept his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you in close, grounding and keeping you safe.

“It’s alright darlin’. That bastard had it comin’.”

Andrew was hit by yet another one of Jim’s blows that came raining down on him relentlessly and managed to back himself into a wall. 

Jim went to throw the punch to end all punches, but Andrew ducked at the last second and Jim’s hand smashed into the wall.

You cringed at his gasp of pain. Drunk or not, that had to hurt like hell. You’d be amazed if he didn’t break any bones in his hand on contact.

Len tensed as well, watching Kirk intently, waiting for the second he started to falter. But Jim didn’t miss a step. Instead, he thrust his knee up into Andrew’s groin and the man hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

You couldn’t help but feel that the move was well-deserved and couldn’t have happened to a better person.

But then Andrew’s friends decided to team up and attacked Kirk simultaneously, shoving him against the wall with one holding him in place for the other to punch his kidneys repeatedly.

Jim tried to get enough leverage to spin out of the hold, but he was pretty well pinned and clearly in need of assistance.

When Len saw that he let go of you and pushed you into a chair.

“Sit tight.” You didn’t think you could get back up, even if you tried.

You watched as Len timed his approach perfectly, catching the man’s arm as he was about to strike Jim’s back again, then grabbed a handful of his spiky hair and shoved him forward.

Jim, having seen Len’s approach and calculated his move, managed to move enough to his right for Len to smash his attacker’s head into the wall mere inches to his left.

Len stepped back and watched the guy crumple to the floor without any sympathy.

The third guy who had been holding Jim had panicked when he found himself outnumbered and released Jim in favor of reaching for a half-empty beer bottle on a table nearby.

Jim shoved Len out of the way just in time, but the bottle still caught the blond on the side of the head and dropped him to one knee.

“Hey!” Len barked, grabbing the back of the man’s shirt and punching him directly in the nose.

The guy hit the ground, unconscious, and the fight came to an abrupt halt.

Leonard quickly knelt down by his friend and checked his bleeding temple.

“You alright, Jimmy?” he asked worriedly, and not for the first time, you wondered if there was more to their friendship than they were letting on.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Jim grumbled back with a wince. He reached up and prodded at his bleeding head. “Oww.”

The house-lights were suddenly turned on and the music stopped as police officers entered the bar, making their way through the crowd and towards the sprawled bodies.

“Is there a problem here?” one of the officer’s demanded.

Leonard gripped Jim’s upper arm and hauled him to his feet as he rose to his own.

“No, officer, no problem,” Leonard stated confidently, beating Jim to the answer. “We were just leavin’.”

He pulled Jim’s arm around his neck and supported him.

You still sat on your chair, not able to process what exactly had just happened.

Andrew and his friends were struggling to get off the floor, and the whole situation had dissolved within a few moments after the arrival of the police.

“Y/N, come on. We’re leaving!” You heard Leonard call out for you.

He was helping Jim walk towards the exit.

Automatically, you got up, more or less successfully fighting the dizziness and approached Leonard and Jim. When you were outside the bar you stopped and looked at them, feeling more than a little responsible for their shared injuries. You walked up to Kirk and cupped his cheek affectionately.

“Thank you,” you stated sincerely, then glanced up at Len. “Both of you.”

Jim looked at you out of one eye, the other already too blackened and swollen to open.

“My pleasure,” he chuckled. “Seriously.”

Len struggled to hold Jim upright, shifting him enough to elicit a pained hiss.

“Does seem to be one of your favorite hobbies... You’re a goddamn menace, Jim,” he said and got them into motion again. “Let’s go, Y/N.”

It took Leonard a few moments to realize you were not following them.

You had shouldered your duffle bag and started to walk away, swaying in your steps. You really should have gone a little easier on the liquor.

You didn’t quite know where to go, but you could not possibly impose on Len or Jim anymore.

“Where do you think you’re goin’?” Len called after you, his accent as thick as the Summer air it cut through sharply.

You jerked in surprise, then pointed down the road.

“I was just...”

“You ain’t goin’ wanderin’ off on your own. Get your ass over here and tag along.”

Jim snickered.

“You know he likes you when he shouts at you. Take it from me.” He tried to wink at you but didn’t quite manage.

Leonard rolled his eyes dramatically.

“How about you shut the hell up and focus on puttin’ one foot in front of the other? You’re damned heavy, and I don’t wanna spend more time out here on the streets than we have to.”

“Where are we going?” you inquired, moving to Jim’s other side and taking on some of his weight while using the contact to stabilize yourself.

If you were going to stick with them a bit longer, the least you could do was try to be helpful after what they had just gone through on your behalf.

“My place,” Len replied. “Gotta fix this idiot up and get the two of you sober.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He had it coming. He really had. 
> 
> As I have already stated in some of my answers to your fantastic comments, the **Alignment Series** is currently outlined as a trilogy. I am working on part two ( _"...where no one has gone before"_ ) at the moment, while editing the final chapters of _"To boldly go..."_. 
> 
> I am not sure how soon I will be able to post the new fic, but it will be (and partly is already) written and shared here on AO3.  
> I'd be beyond thrilled if you chose to stick around and continue your read when (not if 😉) I upload.
> 
> As always: if you can spare the time to let me in on any of your thoughts, I would be forever grateful! Your comments make my day and they help to keep me on track.  
> Also, I love to engage with you! So, don't hold back!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is taking care of Jim and you after the barfight with Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the last but one chapter (sorry to say that chapter 18 is more sort of an epilogue than an actual chapter...)... 
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me for so long!  
> Please jump to the notes at the end of this chapter for some (minor) additional warnings.

You helped Len drop Jim onto his couch where he groaned and doubled-over miserably. You suspected that his buzz was finally wearing off and he was feeling the true extent of his pain.

While Len started to take a closer look at his friend’s injuries, you made your way back to the door, grabbed the duffle bag that you had dropped there after entering, and got as far as cracking the door open.

When Len turned to you to ask you for assistance and found you on your way out, he growled in exasperation.

This was like herding cats.

“Bloody hell!” Len shouted, making you flinch. “Move your ass back in here and stay put, for god’s sake. I can’t keep an eye on you both at the same time!”

He returned his attention to Jim, who had tried to push himself up and off the couch. Len easily shoved him back down.

“Don’t even think about it, Jimmy.”

Reluctantly, you moved back inside the living room area, not really knowing where to place yourself. You crossed your arms in front of your chest and rubbed them with your hands.

You could still feel the buzz of the alcohol in your system and the encounter with Andrew had left you rather unsteady.

When Len nodded his head towards the love seat next to the couch Jim was sprawled out on, you sat down.

“I am sorry, Len,” you started, but he didn’t let you finish. He got up and moved towards his bedroom.

“Nothin’ to be sorry for, except maybe your terrible taste in men. Make sure this one doesn’t get up while I am getting my medkit,” he demanded while pointing at Jim.

“Come on, Bones...” Jim whined. “’s fine. I jus’ wanna sleep it off...”

“Tough shit, kid,” Leonard muttered as he walked towards his bedroom. “You should’ve thought about that before you started catchin’ bottles with your skull! If you get blood on my couch, Jim, so help me...”

His voice trailed off as he disappeared into the other room, but his threat came across just fine.

Jim shifted slightly on the couch, prodding gingerly at the drying blood on the side of his face, then looked over to you.

“Helluva night, huh? How are you keepin’ up over there?”

“Okay, I guess.” Sitting down had already helped with the dizziness you had been experiencing. Taking one breath after the next helped you to calm down further.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Jim didn’t miss how you pulled your sleeves down to cover your bruised wrists as you let your eyes drop to your lap.

“Nothing to talk about.” You fumbled with the hem of your sleeves, then pulled your legs up and hugged them tightly. “I’m sorry you got caught up in this mess.”

“Don’t be.” Jim leaned back on the couch again, resting his eyes. “’s good to have som’ne drawn into it, ya know? ’s so much worse when you’ve gotta deal with this kind of shit on your own.”

That caught your attention.

You looked at Jim’s face, noticing that his expression had changed. There was a haunted look that clouded his eyes as he reopened them and stared up at the ceiling.

He seemed to be far away in his thoughts, dwelling in memories of long-forgotten times.

“Will I ever be able to forget?” Your voice was small and shaky, and it took Jim a few moments to snap out of his trance, but then he lifted his head and you both locked eyes.

“No,” he replied apologetically, but truthfully. “The bruises will fade in time, but the memories’ll stay with you forever. Doesn’t mean you have to face ‘em alone though. You gotta trust somebody sometime, right?”

“Who’d you let in?” you asked quietly, sure he was going to shut you down for prying.

“Bones, o’ course,” Jim stated as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. And maybe it was. “Makes all the diff’rence in the world. ‘s a good man, Bones. Safe...” he muttered, on the brink of giving in to his exhaustion.

“Yeah. He is,” you agreed softly.

Leonard cleared his throat when he reentered the living room and you had to wonder how much he had overheard. He walked over to you first and handed you a glass of water.

“Drink up. You’ll thank me in the mornin’.” 

Then he turned towards Jim and knelt next to the couch.

“Still with me, kiddo?”

Jim murmured an unintelligible response, eyes still closed.

Len was an advocate for knowing your basics. He kept preaching that no technology whatsoever would be able to replace well-trained hands and the experience that came along with years of practice. 

That’s why you were not surprised to see him set aside the scanner and let his hands do the diagnosing, carefully evaluating the damage on the younger man’s body with a series of pokes and prods.

When Jim shifted uncomfortably under Len’s hands, the doctor started to talk soothingly to him.

You could not determine what was being said from your location, but you saw how Jim slowly started to relax again under Leonard’s touch. He really was an incredible doctor.

You allowed yourself to lean back and close your own eyes for a moment. Slowly the commotion caused by the events of the last 48 hours had started to calm down and you found yourself drifting in and out of a light sleep.

Jim’s startled cry of pain woke you from your light slumber.

“Ah! Shit!”

“Sorry, kid. You’ve got some broken ribs here. And at least two broken bones in your hand as well. I really think you need to go to the hospital and get them treated with the right equipment.”

“’m fine, Bones. ‘s not that bad.”

“Then you won’t mind takin’ a deep breath for me?”

You could practically feel the heat emanating off of Jim’s resulting glare.

“Didn’t think so. Broken ribs are no joke, kiddo. If you don’t get them treated properly, you could end up with pneumonia. Or worse.”

“’s not gonna happen. You wouldn’t let it.”

Jim sounded so resolute in his response that, even if you hadn’t known Len previously, you would’ve whole-heartedly agreed with Kirk’s statement.

“’sides, doesn’t even hurt. Unless you push on ‘em...”

“That’s cause you’re still drunk. Believe me, you’ll feel them in the morning.”

“Nothin’ I haven’ had before,” the blond mumbled tiredly.

Len sighed. “I know, Jim. But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer through it now. At least let me give you a painkiller.”

“Don’ wanna hypo. Jus’ leave it.”

There was a pregnant pause, then you heard Len’s soft voice again. “Do you trust me, kid?”

“Course I do. With my life.”

“Alright then. Trust me with this.”

You raised your head a bit just in time to see Len holding up a hypo. You already knew from experience that Jim hated those more than anything.

You were sure he was going to refuse again, but to your astonishment, you watched as he obediently tilted his head to the side, exposing his neck.

“Fine. Jus’ make it quick.”

Len squeezed Jim’s shoulder in gratitude, then gently pressed the hypo to his friend’s skin.

Kirk flinched, but you were pretty sure it was due to the loud hissing sound rather than the injection itself. You had never seen Len administer one so softly.

“Give it a sec,” Len instructed, massaging the injection site for a moment before wrapping his hand around the side of Jim’s neck and applying light pressure, guiding him down towards the cushions.

“’m not tired, Bones...” Kirk protested.

“You will be.”

Jim’s eyes suddenly fluttered as he fought against the medicine.

“W-wait, what’d you give me?”

“What you needed. Don’t fight it, Jim. Just get some sleep.”

“...’kay.”

Len gently stroked his hand through Kirk’s hair until the younger man’s eyes slid shut and stayed that way.

“I’ll take care of you,” Len whispered, reasonably sure that Jim was already in oblivion.

The tenderness in his voice showed so much love and affection, that you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. You really liked this side of Dr. McCoy.

He stayed like that for a moment longer, just watching to make sure Jim was breathing comfortably, then he reached into his medkit again.

As he pulled out a small osteo-regen unit, he grunted in pain, his bruised knuckles from the game-ending punch having connected with the top of the kit.

He stifled a swear and you sat up on the couch, feeling much more alert. You watched as he set up the first round of the regen unit over Jim’s lower left side, then rested back on his heels, slowly flexing his fist to determine the amount of damage he had sustained himself. “Hey, Len,” you said softly. “Let me have a look at that hand of yours.” You patted the free seat next to you.

Len gave his hand a quick shake, then glanced over to you. “Oh, it’s nothin’,” he mumbled, trying to brush it off. “Don’t worry about it, darlin’.”

You raised your eyebrows in an indignant expression. “Don’t make me come over to you,” you threatened with a stern voice. “I might trip over the rug.”

Len chuckled lightly and shook his head at your antics, but made his way over to you nonetheless. He sat down on your right and held out his hand which you gently took into your own, examining each bruised and slightly scraped knuckle intently.

“Will I live, doctor?” he mocked you as you pressed firmly on the bones, checking the moving range of each finger and continued all the way up to his wrist.

You kept his hand in yours, resting them on your lap as you looked up at him.

“You’ll live,” you determined. “Probably,” you added with a sassy grin.

He smiled back at you, then squeezed your hand, but didn’t remove it from your hold.

You felt drowsy and tired but were caught in Len’s eyes, your soul bathing in the wave of affection you felt washing over you. You instantly felt calm and, for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt at home.

Jim suddenly began to snore. Loudly.

Len rolled his eyes and looked over to Jim.

You chuckled lightly. Jim seemed to be the cause for a lot of eyerolling on Len’s behalf.

“His nose took a hit too. Probably swellin’ up by now,” Len stated.

Your attention stayed with the snoring figure on the couch as you sat there, next to each other, still holding hands.

“You are really good with Jim,” you stated, breaking the silence after a while.

"Yeah, well... The kid needs lookin' after. Lord knows no one else has ever done it for him."

You let Len’s words linger in the air for a few moments.

"...Who hurt him?"

Len looked at you, mildly surprised. "He told you about that?"

"Not sure he meant to,” you admitted. “It just sort of slipped out."

"He's always been a chatty drunk... ‘s how I found out in the first place too. Halfway through our second year, and the kid drops a bombshell like that... In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have given him the good whiskey."

He stared at Kirk’s sprawled form fondly, reminiscing.

You wondered just how well the two men really knew each other. They were clearly very close, and no doubt spent most of their ‘Fleet days together.

Len must’ve had a hell of a time coping when Jim left on the Enterprise, and even more so when he came back again after the fight against Nero, bloodied and beaten if the rumors did it any justice at all.

You felt a wave of protectiveness wash over you for both of the men you now adored, and couldn’t imagine anyone ever raising a hand against them. And yet...

"Jim spent most of his childhood in abusive situations,” Leonard admitted openly as he leaned back against the couch, allowing himself to relax and resting his head on the back of the seat. “It's a miracle he turned out the way he did. Kid has a heart of gold.”

A smile played around his lips, then he seemed to remember what had prompted the topic of conversation and he sobered immediately, turning his head to look at you from the side.

“But what about you? How long have you been puttin' up with that asshole from the bar?"

You were unaware of your fingers constantly drawing small circles on the back of Len’s hand, but you drew comfort from it all the same.

“Way too long,” you sighed before you turned your head to face Len. “It’s been four years.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah.” You dropped your eyes and swallowed hard against the lump that had started to form in your throat.

"And has he always been that way?” Len inquired, then added “With you, I mean..."

"No.” You shook your head. “That only started recently, after he turned drinking into a sport."

"You're not plannin' to forgive and forget now, are ya?" he demanded.

"God, no,” you huffed out. “I am done with him. It is over between us."

Saying this out loud for the first time made it feel real. You felt relieved and liberated as if a heavy burden had been lifted off your shoulders. And it had.

"Good." Len squeezed your hand again.

And if there was a hint of hopefulness in his voice, it didn't go unnoticed.

You felt how your emotions slowly started to take over. The pressure fading, your muscles started to relax and you felt how your guard fell down. Your chin started to quiver slightly, and your vision began to blur.

 _Not again_.

You bit your lip, trying to hold them back, but the tears started to make their way down your cheeks.

Great. Crying on Len’s shoulder for the second time in less than 24 hours.

But ultimately you were too exhausted to really care and you simply allowed the tears to flow. You felt fragile and vulnerable, and yet wonderfully sheltered and safe in Len’s arms. You didn’t have to hide from him. Not anymore.

You leaned your head against his shoulder, silently crying, still holding onto his right hand. He wrapped his left arm around you and rubbed your shoulder softly.

“It’s okay,” he whispered into your hair. “I’ve got ya, sweetheart. You’re safe with me.”

You lost every sense of time in his warm embrace. When eventually there were no more tears left to shed, your eyes fell shut and you leaned closer into Len, feeling secure and taken care of.

Len held you close and let himself be captured in this moment of intimacy between you. When your breath had evened out, he bent his neck slightly to press a kiss on the top of your head and whispered again, “I’ve got ya.”

Eventually sleep swept over him, the commotion and stress of the day, along with the late hour taking their tolls on all of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:**   
>  _Mention of former child abuse_
> 
> So, here we are...  
> Another tough one to write. I hope you liked it.   
> As always I would be more than happy to be let in on any of your thoughts, so if you can spare the time please write a comment! :)  
> (Also, I am SandmannAO3@yahoo.com 😉 )


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the barfight you wake up at Len's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this a few days ago, but the world is a crazy place at the moment, and time was not on my side.  
> I feel the need to dive into alternative realities and try to forget about what is going on around me, at least for a little while.  
> This the next and pretty much the last proper chapter of "To boldly go...", part 1 of the **Alignment** series.  
> (Chapter 18 is more of an epilogue/sneak peek and I will post it soon. Also: **there will be a second part to this story!**  
>  )

Leonard woke up to the soft beeping of the regen unit, signaling that it had finished its third and final round on Jim’s ribs.

He came out of a deep sleep and was still groggy enough that it took him a moment to remember where he was and what had happened.

He instinctively started moving towards the regen unit to shut it off and check the progress of Jim’s ribs when he realized the predicament that he was in.

Len was half laying down on the love seat, with your head and arm resting on his chest, trapping him in place. His own arm was still wrapped securely around your shoulder.

He could feel your breath on his skin and closed his eyes again, taking in your soft scent and the warmth of your body. He had to admit that it felt pretty damned good to have you so close, and at the same time, this was something that really scared him.

Jocelyn had hurt him. Badly. And while Jim kept telling him it was time to move on and find someone else, Len wasn’t sure he was ready to open his heart like that again just yet.

Not to mention you were both about to go your separate ways and he didn’t know when or if he’d ever see you again...

Still. The idea was more than a little tempting.

He allowed himself a few more moments in your embrace before he carefully slid his arm out from under you and cautiously got up, not wanting to disturb your slumber.

He grabbed a blanket from the edge of the seat and tugged it up around your shoulders. He let his fingers trace along your jawline for a moment, barely touching your skin, and smiled as you leaned into this soft touch in your sleep.

He could not deny that he had felt drawn to you for quite a while now. And yet he was surprised by the strong sense of protectiveness he had felt towards you when you had arrived at the hospital with bruises on your wrists and the cut on your cheek, withdrawn and looking so lost and fragile.

You had touched something within him that made him feel things he hadn’t thought he’d ever experience again. And he was afraid to let go and see where it might lead.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a moan that escaped Jim as he was shifting on the couch in his sleep.

Leonard withdrew his hand and turned his attention towards Jim, checking on his semi-healed ribs before moving the regen unit onto his broken fingers.

He checked the cut on Jim’s temple from the broken bottle, then gave him another shot of analgesic while he was still out cold, hoping it would carry him through most of the day.

Finally, he headed to the bathroom. His back was sore from sleeping in such a weird position, and he wasn’t as young as he used to be. Unlike Jim, spending the night fighting wasn’t his idea of fun.

He went into the shower and soon felt the tension leave his muscles under the care of the hot water raining down on him.

***

The first thing you heard when you woke up was gentle snoring. You blinked and tried to make sense of your surroundings.

You were in a living room that was completely unfamiliar to you, laying on a couch with a blanked over your shoulders. Your head was pounding and the light hurt your eyes, but there was a lovely smell of coffee in the air that caught your attention.

You sat up slowly and flinched as a sharp pain shot through your lower abdomen when you moved. Once you saw the source of the snoring stretched out on the couch across from you, you began to remember the events of the night before.

You pulled the blanket tighter around you. This was Len’s place.

You had returned his hoodie, then had gone out for drinks, your headache being testimony to you not stopping as early as you should have.

_Crap_. Andrew.

Jim’s fists flying against Andrew’s face. Over and over. The brutality and anger behind it... The passion, and protectiveness.

Then Len’s arm wrapped around your waist, his touch on your arm, his body close to yours. Supporting. Reassuring. Keeping you safe.

His hand in yours, his chest steadily rising and falling under the weight of your head, his heartbeat in your ears.

Had this all been just a dream?

You felt overwhelmed by your own feelings and needed another moment to regain a somewhat clearer mind.

You got up, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. You heard dishes clattering in the kitchen and found Len standing at the counter, preparing breakfast.

“Good mornin’, darlin’!” He looked up at you, a smile on his face. “How’s the head?”

“It hurts,” you admitted. “I guess bourbon is not my drink.”

“Not when you down them like water.” He poured coffee into a mug. “I am actually surprised you didn’t spend the night in the porcelain section of this fine establishment.”

He added some milk, then pushed the mug towards you, chuckling.

Len knew how you liked your coffee and that added to the warm feeling that had settled within your body.

“Have some coffee. And take one of these.” He placed a small pill next to the mug.

You stepped closer as Len was watching you with an expression that you could not quite read.

_Those damned eyes were your downfall._

Without breaking eye-contact, you took another step towards him.

When you placed your palms gingerly on his chest, his hands came up to rest on your hips and he pulled you slightly closer. You bit your bottom lip as you looked at his lips and back up to his eyes again.

“Thank you,” you whispered. “For everything.” 

Your stomach fluttered as you stood up on your tiptoes, moving closer and kissed Len gently.

Time stood still for a moment as your lips met. Seconds felt like an eternity and all that you were aware of was the soft touch of his lips on yours’ his taste, his scent.

His hands moved up from your hips to your head, cupping your face and you felt him smile before he leaned into you and kissed you back.

His tongue moved past your slightly parted lips and there was an air of excitement and a raw sense of neediness between you as you both got lost in the sensation.

You felt light and whole and were ready to let yourself fall completely when all of a sudden Len pulled back and pushed you away.

You looked at him, startled, your eyes widening in shock. You weren’t able to process how this situation had devolved so quickly.

Len stepped backwards, his arms still outstretched to keep you at distance.

“No…” He mumbled to himself, not looking at you. “We can’t do this, Y/N.”

You could not breathe anymore. Had you misread the entire situation? Your tongue flew over your still kiss-swollen lips as you started to move backwards and out of the kitchen.

“I’m… ‘m sorry…” you stuttered in embarrassment as you kept moving away. Len was with his back to the wall, still not looking at you, his left hand touching his lips.

Once you had reached the doorframe you turned around and fled into the living room, almost tripping over your duffle bag that you had dropped next to the couch.

Jim had woken up and pushed himself into a sitting position, looking at you in bewilderment. You grabbed your bag, not even noticing Jim, and without looking back you were out of the front door.

Jim got up and padded into the kitchen. He found Len still standing there, frozen on the spot.

“Bones?” Jim approached Leonard. “What the hell just happened? Are you alright?” His concern grew when he saw the expression on Leonard’s face.

He stepped closer to his best friend and placed a hand on his shoulder, eventually snapping him out of his numbness.

“Bones, talk to me, man. Where did Y/N go?”

Leonard ran his hand through his hair, leaving it standing in all directions.

“She left.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I got that part when she slammed the door behind her. The question is why?”

Len turned towards Jim. “I screwed up, Jim.”

“What do you mean? What happened? I thought things were going so well between the two of you?”

“I... We kissed. I mean, she kissed me, but then I kissed her back, and…” Len tried to explain the situation, more to himself than to Jim, but he was getting nowhere fast.

“You kissed?” Jim summed up simply, feeling his initial worry abating. He picked up the abandoned mug of coffee from the counter, gathering his thoughts. “And that’s what made her storm out of the house like it was on fire?”

“Not exactly.” Len sat down at the counter and buried his face in his hands. “Shit, Jim... I uh, I kind of pushed her away.”

Jim was mid-sip and choked on his coffee. “You – w-what?” he spluttered.

Leonard looked up again.

“Jim, I am her superior. We can’t just...”

“Technically you aren’t anymore,” Jim cut in, but an angrily raised eyebrow muted him right away.

“She’s emotionally compromised and vulnerable after what that asshole has done to her. It’s way too soon to be considering another relationship.”

“You mean for her, or for you?” Jim asked knowingly.

Len glared at him. “For her, obviously! God, I should never have taken advantage of her like that...”

“From what I’ve seen, these feelings between the two of you aren’t exactly new, Bones.”

“Shut up, Jim.”

“All I’m sayin’ is that you have to give yourself a little more credit here, man. You said she was kissing you first, right? Of her own free will?”

“She’s not thinkin’ clearly, Jim! Between what happened to her the night before and then at the bar last night, and havin’ too much to drink, not to mention feelin’ trapped in her relationship for who knows how long...”

“She needed a knight in shining armor, Bones. There’s nothin’ wrong with fulfilling that role.”

“You and I both know that role is temporary, kid. Once the relapse is over, I’ll never see her again.”

“I think the word you’re looking for here is ‘rebound’, buddy.”

“No. I said relapse, and I damn well meant it. Relationships are just givin’ in to the body’s urges, even if those needs are harmful and destructive.”

“Wow. That’s pretty cynical, Bones. Even for you.”

“What would you know, huh? Your longest relationships only last the night.”

Len regretted the words before they even left his mouth, but it was too late to take them back.

“You’re right,” Jim shrugged, playing it off like his best friend hadn’t just stabbed him in the chest. “I have commitment issues. But I’m not lookin’ for anything long-term. My passion is for the stars.”

“Well, maybe mine is too,” Len grumbled, and Jim huffed out an incredulous laugh.

“You hate space, Bones. But havin’ someone you love by your side while you’re cruising through the galaxies? That might just make it worth it.”

“It’s too late now,” Len said sullenly. “She’s never gonna trust me again. I blew it.”

“It’s never too late to tell someone you love them,” Jim argued. “Or to tell them you’re sorry.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, kid. I never should’ve said...”

“Forget it, Bones. I wasn’t talkin’ about me,” Jim stated pointedly. “I’m gonna go take a shower. I smell like a liquor cabinet.”

And with that, he left Len alone with his thoughts.

***

You could have slapped yourself. How on Earth had you come to the conclusion that what you felt towards Dr. McCoy could ever have been mutual?

You had misjudged the entire situation. You were so sure that there had been something between you. Something more.

You thought you had felt this connection, but now you had to admit that you had made a mistake. A huge mistake. You had made a complete fool out of yourself.

Of course he had just been watching over you out of a sense of duty. You had been a mess since the very first day you had met Len. He was a concerned colleague, nothing more.

Now that you were thinking about it, you were pretty sure that Leonard might even be in a relationship already. With Jim.

The way they behaved around each other… How could you not have seen it earlier? Len’s protectiveness towards Jim, the way he touched the younger man, the way he spoke to him.

And then you kissed Len, with Jim right there in the next room, recovering from injuries he had received while fighting for your honor.

You shook your head in disbelief. Of all the stupid ways to thank a guy for his help...

You could never work with Len again. You could never be in the same room with him again. You were pretty sure being on the same _planet_ was going to be too much for you to handle.

You were glad that you had been able to hop on the first shuttle back home when you arrived at the shuttle port, slightly out of breath from running. Running away from what just had happened. Running away from the mess of a life you were living right now.

Suddenly the prospect of having to head out into the black after the Summer break sent a wave of relief washing over you.

If you were _really lucky_ , you might not even return to Earth. Ever.

With your head still throbbing, almost as much as your heart, you stared out of the window and were regretting not having taken the painkiller Len had given to you, along with the coffee, when your comm beeped.

Your stomach clenched as you read the name on the display.

A message from Andrew.

Your first instinct was to delete the message right away. Nothing Andrew would have to say could change anything. But then you opened it anyway.

“Heard they released the roster for the internship program this morning. Hope we're stationed on the same ship so I can see you and apologize properly...”

Yeah, right. _Apologize._

Oh, crap... The internship. During the events of the past few days, you had completely forgotten about the roster being released today.

With slightly shaking hands you reached for your PADD and opened your messages, holding your breath.

Please don’t let it be the _Endeavor_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me!  
> Life isn't always easy, and at times we tend to make it more difficult than it has to be. 
> 
> Thank you for accompanying me on the journey of Dr. Insert ( _hotcoldsoda_ , thank you for that!), thank you for your constant support and all the thoughts you shared with me.  
> As always - I would love to hear your thoughts. If you have the time- please leave a comment. ❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little sneak peek of what is to come in **Part Two** of the **Alignment Series** : _"...where no one has gone before"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and this is the End of _"To boldly go..."_
> 
> It is more of a sneak peek than an epilogue, I am aware.  
> I hope you enjoy it nevertheless.

Jim sat at the desk in his ready room behind the bridge, scanning through the paperwork that needed to be addressed before leaving the space station above Earth and heading out for the next mission.

He yawned and leaned back in his chair. Questions had been thrown at him left and right all day as his crew prepared to take off, and he was fielding them like a pro.

Man, it felt good to be back in his element.

His ribs had healed nicely after a few more regen rounds, and the accompanying bruises had faded away.

The past few days had been a haze of meetings and briefings and he was more than ready to finally cut the ropes and lead the _Enterprise_ out into the black.

The last shuttles were arriving with supplies and the straggling crew members during the morning, and they were bound to leave Earth within the next three hours.

There was a knock on the door and one of the security officers came in, handing Jim a PADD.

“Oh, great. More paperwork,” he said sarcastically.

The officer looked at him questioningly. “Shall I hand the updated crew lists over to Mr. Spock?”

“No, no. It’s quite alright.” Jim reached out his hand for the PADD. “I am the captain after all, so let me have all the fun that comes along with the job!”

The man handed the PADD over and left the room.

Jim chuckled to himself, starting to hum a tune that had been stuck in his head for the past days as he opened the file on the PADD and skimmed his way through the list.

He grabbed an apple that was on display in a huge bowl of fruit on his desk – another perk of being the captain of Starfleet’s flagship – and bit into it with pleasure, one eye still scanning the list.

Suddenly he came across a name that sounded very familiar and he nearly choked on his apple.

“Y/LN, Y/N?”

 _What the_....?

“Oh boy...” He leaned forward in his chair, coughing. “This is going to be a very interesting mission…”

With a quick look at his watch, he jumped off his chair and opened the door to get out.

He had to warn Bones before the two of you ran into each other accidentally.

**End of Part 1**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, wow, this is it.  
> Part 1 of the Alignment Series is finished, and I sincerely hope you don't hate me for the way it ended.  
> Part 2 will pick up where this one ends and I hope to be able to start posting soon. Due to the current pandemic and being a doctor in real life I have less time on my hands to write than anticipated. But in between all the craziness that is going on right now writing helps to clear the head and escape reality for a little while, so I will try to post part 2 soon.  
> Writing this has been quite a personal experience for me and I am thankful for each and every one of you who read along and supported me. 
> 
> A very special thank you has to go out to my friend and partner in crime **SHTWSPNSH** : Thank you for your constant support and your beta-magic! This story would not have seen the light of day without you!  
>   
> And thank you to everyone who read this story, left kudos, shared your thoughts and wrote comments.  
> Your support means a lot to me. As I have said before, this story is very personal, and I write a lot from experience. I am thankful that my story was so well perceived and you all have been more than kind in your reactions.  
> Some of your words reached me when I didn't even know I needed to hear them. They helped me to cope, move on and continue writing the story.  
> I can't believe _my words_ were able to reach out and touch so many of you. 
> 
> THANK YOU!  
> I hope you enjoyed yourselves and are willing to wait a little while until we can continue this journey together!  
> 


	19. "...where no one has gone before"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let you know that **...where no one has gone before** , part two of the _Alignment Series_ is online now!

Because of the worldwide pandemic that we are facing, I don't get to write as much as I would like, but I have a bit of material that I decided to share with you ahead of my planned uploading schedule.  
I feel that in a time like this, when we have to stay at home to keep everyone else safe, when we have to work to help keep the world turning, maybe even when we are sick - every distraction is useful.  
Maybe my story can help to make someone's day better.

Sandmann


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